Looking Back...

I've had a couple people ask me if I've made resolutions this year. I have to admit, the response I want to give is, "Why? It's not time for that yet"! Um...yes it is. 2008, where did you go?

Because of this feeling, I am wanting to look back before I look forward. I think it might help. So, here it is, my tribute to 2008, in semi-chronological fashion...

January:

Though I have been a Christian my entire life, I realized I was semi mad at God, and had been for quite some time. I read some of Laine's Letters because I saw a link somewhere, and realized that I knew lots ABOUT God, but little OF Him. I have several times in my life, read through the Bible in a year. So I decided I would start it again, but asking Him to show me Himself, all throughout. I began to be amazed at what I found.

I was continually sick - like, every night at about a 7 or 8 out of 10 on a pain scale. My stomach hurt SO bad. I had no energy. I ached all over.

We started meeting with a handful of other couples as a small group. Little did we know they would become our very best friends!

February:

My mom wondered one day if I was allergic to egg. She said it seemed to bother me when I was a kid. I quit eating egg, and felt 70-80 percent better within 2 weeks. Later in the month, I began to feel sick again. Nothing like I had, but the achiness was still there and no energy.

March:

I went to Dr P and was tested for food allergies again. I already knew about dairy, corn and soy, but gluten and yeast came up too. Egg did not, weirdly enough, but I still get sick from it when I eat it. After two weeks off gluten, I knew I had found a HUGE answer to prayer. Healing from gluten is very gradual and really takes two full years, but unless I am miraculously healed, I will never go back to eating gluten. It changed my life.

Dr P also recommended taking 5-HTP and something with L-Thianine in it, because I was not sleeping well. I had symptoms very reminicent of fybromyalgia. With good sleep and a gluten free diet, the pain is gone. (A little sleep training for Audrey was in order as well! One night of two hours of crying, and she slept through the night every night after that!)

(In retrospect, I believe I had post-partum depression for 3+ years, compounded by the seizure I had in February of 2007. The 5-HTP helped the physical symptoms, and cutting myself a break and starting to feel good helped with the mental/emotional symptoms.)

April:

Hannah's 3rd birthday. I can't believe I have a 3 (now almost 4) year old. Aren't I still a 17 year old pretending to be a mommy?

May:

I actually started to feel like myself for the first time in 4 years.

My parents change churches - HARD on me, but something they needed to do.

June:

My 28th birthday, and a wonderful trip to Estes Park with my family. One of the first "real" vacations we've had together. Nick's birthday too...

July:

Fun, warm days outside in our backyard is what I remember most.

August:

Audrey's 2nd birthday, and more fun, warm days.

September:

While dreading another winter like the last two, I suddenly realized it probably wouldn't be that way this year.

October:

Among other things, a music audition that went fantastically for both Nick and me, and somehow changed our perspectives on being frustrated with where we were in life. We began to realize that God's timing was great, and we were happy where we are.

November:

Looking forward to the holidays. Nice Thanksgiving. God is incredible. Money is tight.

December:

We have several friends in personal crisis, and wish we could do more to help.

Money is still tight, but God provides a wonderful, peaceful, meaningful Christmas for us.




So, there it is. I started the year barely functional in comparison. It's interesting to me how the year starts with health stuff, and ends with God. That's not phoney - that's really how it feels to me.

And another thing: God has been faithful this year. When we only look forward to what we can't see yet, it's easy to forget what God has already done.

When I think about what I'd like to accomplish in the next year, only one thing comes to mind: Know God More. "Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you," right? When I am pursuing God with my whole heart, things fall into place because He lets me know His priorities for me. Then, the change comes from the inside out - it's real change - instead of outside forced change like I've tried to make for myself my whole life. As we experience the love of God, our whole world changes. We see ourselves and other people through the eyes of Christ. We still (and will always) have hard days, and often things weigh on me more than they should. But I cannot emphasize enough what God has done in me this year. I've been trying to do it myself for years, and when I finally let go, God has done more in a short time than I have done in my lifetime to this point.

What gets you up in the morning? Is it something fun to look forward to? Is it people? Is it work and feeling valuable? My whole life I have tried to have my reason be those things, and I always got to a point where I did not want to get up. What if we get up in anticipation of hearing from God? Of being in relationship with Him? Of carrying out what He asks of us that day? (You know, wiping noses, changing diapers, doing dishes and laundry - that stuff most of us are caretakers of at this stage in life. :) God is the only One who will never disappoint us. I'm going after Him - please come with me!!