Friday, March 28, 2008

Nick and I were talking last night following an appt with Dr P. Dr P wants me to teach Nick how to do more things around the house to take some more stress off of me. Nick really wants to help, but he has some concerns. It will take some time for us to work out what this means for us. He already helps, especially with the girls, a whole lot.

In the midst of that conversation, I said something that surprised me. I told Nick, “I like my work. I don’t want you to do it all, even if you could.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, an internal dialogue started. I like my work? Doing dishes, laundry, picking up toys, feeding small children? I like vacuuming, dusting, continually wiping down tables and counters? I never used to like those things.

During my Dr P appointment last night, we were talking about what it takes to be an adult, the incredible amount of things that are required of us, including sometimes giving up things we love for the good of our family. He talked about how what is required of us goes far beyond our own ability to sacrifice, and into the territory where God must give us the strength to do it. He made a remark about what I’d given up to be a mom (meaning worship ministry). I gotta say, though it feels wrong in some ways, it also felt so good to have someone acknowledge that. I miss worship ministry. I miss it deeply. I don’t yet understand the direction of my life, because I felt certain that God had led me there, and then just as easily led me away. I am doing the right thing being home with my children, but it still hurts sometimes…oftentimes…

But I like my work? I am finding there is a satisfaction that comes when you faithfully do what God has asked of you, whether the task itself brings deep joy or not. The task of worship leading brings me joy. Dishes do not. But the fact that I faithfully do the dishes because it is part of what God has asked of me, does bring me some joy. I never realized that before. Helping my children get dressed and making things for them to eat is satisfying to me. Since when? I have no idea.

I do get tired. I do get disappointed. I do need help and breaks and most importantly God. But, I like my work. Amazing.


  1. I can relate. Andrew recently offered to get a house cleaner for me (um..when we could afford it...which might mean never!). I turned him down.

    It is fulfilling to do the silent work of housewifery! But breaks, YES, and God, YES. Right now I am deeply lacking the breaks, but managing because of the God. I have a feeling many of us stay-at-home-mammas to little ones are in the same boat!

  2. I love this post. It is so true that when we do what God has for us to do, there is such joy in that. No matter what it is, apparently. :) I feel the exact same way, and just know that God does not put a calling in your heart for no reason. Someday, when it's the right time, He will bring it to completion and you will look back on these days and be so thankful for all of your obedience - you will be able to see His master plan.

  3. What a wonderful realization --- that you can derive satisfaction from something in spite of not enjoying the actual task because you know that it is pleasing to God! It's not as if you would be truly happy if you weren't fulfilling God's call on your life anyway. And eventually, devoting yourself to your family pays big dividends (Gal 6:9). Plus, life has its seasons and it is very likely that there will be a time when you can be more involved in worship ministry.

  4. I was 27 and had 3 of my 4 kids when God got ahold of me. We are raised or indoctrinated by the world that "you can have it all" whatever "it" is. It was through two books ( A Women after God's own Heart and A Place called Simplicity) and much, much prayer that I realized it wasn't everyone elses problem, especially my husband (of whom was an easy escape goat for me). It was mine. I had to go through a pruning of sorts. I loved, LOVED being a mom but felt myself dying, getting lost in the confusion of dirty diapers and dirty dishes.I began to slowly die to myself and take on more of Jesus. It was not easy nor quick. (I confess I still have pity parties complete with some dark chocolate!) Life hasn't been the same since. God created families and there is a great blessing when we as women can cling to His vision for them. Sara Kay, you are right where He wants you. Your gifts, talents, and dreams are not gone. You will now expereince them with your children and husband in a whole new way. Some may be put "on hold" for awhile but they're not gone. Your honesty and sincerity are a blessing to many. Press into Jesus and stay connected with your girlfriends!