So, Marianne suggested that we wait to finish this discussion, and I'm so glad she did. Even if she hadn't, I think I would have pulled out tomorrow.
The fact is, I feel like I've said everything I have to say. I could possibly be convinced otherwise, but I have a feeling that my current beliefs are what is necessary to get through this time in our lives. In spite of my desire to be open to new ideas and opinions, I'm not sure I am right now. I feel raw, to be quite honest. And we had only scratched the surface.
So, thanks for your sensitivity, Marianne. I really appreciate it. It takes a lot of self-control to not get to argue your points right now. And thanks to all of you for reading (or not reading) my diatribes.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.
Fizzy Apple Cider Switchel (VAD)
3 weeks ago
oh Sara...if you need to vent, the blog is a forum for that. Personally I value honesty and transparency. Life isn't always happy and fun and good times with our kids. You are going through something emotionally difficult and need time to sort through your feelings--why not "talk" about it.
ReplyDeleteWell, normally I would agree with you. That makes perfect sense from that perspective. The problem is, venting is different from defending myself. In spite of Marianne's gentle spirit, she and I disagreed about several things...I think? :) It's possible we have different ways of saying the exact same thing, but I think we disagree some. It's painful to be in a position of trying to heal and have to explain/defend myself and my position - even in good-natured dialogue. Just not ready to go there yet.
ReplyDeleteAlso, debating about it with someone I've never met is very different from sitting across the kitchen table from a friend I've known for years and know will love me no matter what I say, and have them say, "tell me about this?" Although I have been impressed with Marianne's character, she has nothing really invested in our relationship - it would be easy for her to take cheap shots. And because this is still so painful to me, I would be deeply hurt. Not that she would do that, but she could. I don't feel comfortable taking that risk on the internet. It's tough to feel like people are looking at this from the outside, with no clue of what it's really like, and making judgements about how it's been handled, or what was done. How could they know unless they had been there?
The topic just really hits a nerve right now, and I don't want to hurt anybody because of my emotionalism.
Does that make sense?