Tuesday, January 29, 2008


I left a comment on a friend's blog today. I had a great conversation with another friend today. In different ways, both conversations were about insecurities.

I have been told by several people over the years that I look like I have it all together. "You just have this comforting presence." It's very flattering to be told that, to be sure. However, let me be the first to say I'm insecure. I wonder what people think of me. I rehearse conversations and feel stupid for comments I make, even days later when there's no way anyone but me remembers what I said. I find it very interesting that each one of us seems to believe we are the only one who's afraid of what other people think.

Going back to my pet subject right now - the 7 Habits book. There is a way to break free from all of this. The book says that we should live our lives based on principles. We should have a list of things we believe in, and make all of our decisions in life based on those things. For example, in my life, when I get to the day of my funeral, I would hope that people would say about me, "She put her family first. She had lots of other interests, and accomplished many, many things. But her family was always first."

Example: In order to do this, occasionally I may have to make a decision somebody else doesn't like. We may have to miss something important. I may look flaky (I HATE looking flaky). But what it boils down to, is that I have made decisions based on what I believe. This gives me a tremendous amount of confidence in my decisions. I can know without a doubt that I made the right one, even if somebody else doesn't like it.

I think all of life can be lived this way. I'm a ways from that, but I'm going that direction. What do I believe about marriage? What do I believe about raising children? What do I believe about finances? What do I believe about the way a home should be kept? What do I believe about friendship? What do I believe about ministry? And, what priority does each of those things take? What comes first? We have to do this on a personal level and on a family level, because our priorities need to line up with our spouse's or we will have arguments about that all the time.

Bottom line: when we live based on principles, we don't have to be tossed around by everyone else's opinion. Other people's opinions don't matter all that much, unless they are an authority figure in your life and you've chosen to take their opinions to heart so that you can grow - we all need that as well.

What do you guys think about this?


  1. Hi! I agree with you about living life based on your principles, IF and only if they are godly, and biblical. And you're right- you can live with a tremendous amount of confidence in your choices, knowing that you have Jesus to back you up!!
    (I found your blog because you have some of the same interests in your profile. I"ll visit again.)

  2. Well said. That's such a given to me that I forget to say it, but you are totally right!

  3. Sounds right on to me. Many of our friends and acquaintances don't always understand the decisions we make, but it's because they are operating with a different priority structures for their principles.
    Have no fear! Ultimately, we only answer to God.

  4. I think I'd really like it if you were in my life more. I respect you a lot. I have felt rather insecure around you because it did seem like you have it all together and I'm still trying to figure it out. (Maybe that's why the last time we hung out it was kind of awkward?) I feel like I have to say the right stuff in front of you and then (like you) reherse it days later thinking of what I SHOULD have said. I think you are an incredible woman of God and would really like your input in my life.

  5. Wow, Irene, that's so humbling to me. I would love to help in any way I can. Please feel free to call me anytime. :)

  6. Wow that's so interesting to know that most people do have insecurities! I was reading the first chapter of the Fight Like a Girl book today and it talked about facing your fear and overcoming it, and I was thinking that my biggest issue with fear is worrying what people think about me. Then I read this blog post and it was like God was telling me that even people who seem confident feel insecurity, and it's not something I have to label myself by. I can learn to become stronger in that way, through Him.