Research

There are many things at which I am not very good. There are a few things at which I excel. One of those things I do very well is research. Spending 6 or 7 years as an administrative assistant coupled with the fact that I just have a natural knack for gadgets and computers in general, has made me quite adept at finding just about anything I want to find online. In addition, I really enjoy being the one in the group that "just read something the other day that said..." I suppose it makes me feel smart.

Anyway, I have realized recently that research is only good to a point. The weakness of this kind of a personality is that it becomes all too easy to trust in my own understanding. Oops. I'm not supposed to do that. For example, there are many things I can do in the natural world to maybe keep me from having seizures. My temptation is to spend hours on the internet, looking for anything that might offer me hope. I've done it. There isn't much. In fact, I found a couple weeks ago that a full 30% of people ON MEDICATION for seizures like I have, continue to have them anyway.

Sometimes I get so used to doing things the hard way, that I forget the simple answer. Maybe I should be talking to God about it. Huh...ya think?

On the other hand, "Thy that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint..." "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." "It's not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit says the Lord."

I can quote these off the top of my head. Why do I forget to live by them? Laura told me the other day that she has a weekly meditation verse. I have a tendency to read my Bible, love the truth I find there, and then put it down and continue worrying. This is changing. It has to. It's time.

So, back to my original subject, I'm taking a break from research. I have emails that come to my inbox every day with new information, and part of me wants to read it. However, it's time for some balance - less fear and leaning on my own understanding, more grace and trust and hope in God.