Monday, July 23, 2007

Is it enough?

I am a part of the revival generation, according to the band Delirious. All the youth events I attended as a teenager (and there were many), told us we were going to be the ones to fulfill the Great Commission. We would go to the ends of the earth. We would change the world for Christ. I ate it up.

Because I was skilled in music even as a young child, it only made logical sense that my part in that calling would be in worship ministry. I became passionate about learning everything I could on how to lead people into a more intimate relationship with God through my music. This is how I spent my life. There was a drive, a resolve, to be the best so I could really make a difference. I knew I wanted a family, but if God's hand was on my life, how could I resist? Why would I want to?

Fast forward just a few years. I followed my spiritual head (then it was my father) to a new church where nobody knew me. No relationships=no opportunities here. Just as the relationships began to develop, God blessed Nick and me with a new baby, and everyone assumed I would not be interested any more. At this point it has been three and a half years since I played with a worship band consistently. I am rusty. I'm not even confident I could still do it well without some practice. I have no opportunities there right now unless I go out looking for them in places other than my own church.

Here's my question: is it enough?
-to keep a clean, pleasant, beautiful home?
-to be available to people and able to sit and have a cup of tea any time?
-to raise my girls, though the days are sometimes tedious, to be Godly women who are smart both intellectually and emotionally?
-to devote my extra time to things that are productive and creative, like reading, playing the piano, planning meals, teaching piano, playing with my children, writing blogs, growing plants/gardens...the list could go on and on?

Because, I think if I could be sure that just doing that was enough to be pleasing to God, the struggle to be content at home might be over for me. Everyone sure had high expectations for me. I was going to be the one to change the world. How about the lives of two very small girls?

Is that good enough?

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