Child Drowning Prevention

We are rarely around water here in Colorado, but if we had a pool in our backyard, I would get my kids into this. Just the video made me cry watching it. Incredible how they can teach such tiny kids to be safe. They have instructors all over the nation.

On playing outside

Hannah requested we go outside today. I don't really remember the last time she asked.

It's funny. Of late, I have not thought of myself as a particularly outdoorsy person. In the past year (or two!), we have done more tv watching than I care to admit. As we were playing outside today, I was thinking of all the things my siblings and I did outside as kids. When I was really young and we were living in California, we would spend hours outside - chasing chickens around the backyard, working in the garden, digging "streams" with the hose, riding bikes on the patio...the possibilities seemed endless. When we moved to Colorado we lived for a year out here in the forest before moving into town. We had an "Indian Camp" complete with teepees made out of small fallen trees and old sheets. We also built a stage by nailing boards between two trees and throwing sheets over it for curtains. We would take our old red wagon and give each other "tours" around the five acres. When we did move to town, I would spend hours in my garden.

So, not only have I been missing the outside, I've been missing my own creativity!

When I got pregnant with Hannah and then had to recover from the c-section, it changed the way I related to the outside. Suddenly everything seemed uncomfortable and full of germs. Even the way I moved seemed to change. Does anybody else relate to this? I became an old lady! :)

Add to all of this a dumb fear I have always had of looking silly or undignified, and you have a recipe for someone who does not spend much time outside. I think one of the most profound things on TV is Bert and Ernie. They have this one episode in which Ernie is talking to an elephant on a banana. He encourages Bert to try it. It goes something like this:

B: I don't want to. I'll look silly.
E: Silly's fun, Bert!
B: I'm not really good at that kind of thing.
E: Just try it.
B: I'M JUST NOT EMOTIONALLY SECURE ENOUGH FOR THIS, ERNIE!

I can relate. When did I become so self-conscious?

But today, we just went outside and we played. I taught Hannah to catch a ball (well, I taught her to hold her hands and arms close together so I could strategically drop the ball in her arms. Ya gotta start somewhere!). I gathered up some of the millions of pine cones and threw them toward one area so we can actually mow, and the girls can walk without tripping. Hannah picked at the bark on a tree - the first time she's ever seen that. Audrey looked at pine needles. We discovered a feather on the ground. I showed Hannah how to blow a dandelion puff. We picked wildflowers. We enjoyed the clouds and sunshine.

And I gotta say, this beats being a grownup any day. I'm never going back.

To do this week

-Replace burnt out lights on both cars
-Get new mascara
-Hang up curtains in Living Room (half off at Target!)
-Go to the Happy Apple Farm. Pick apples. Have fun.
-Hang out with friend Tara A, coming to see Dr P, all the way from CA.
-Paint bathroom
-Buy bird food and put up feeder
-Teach piano
-Have mom's group at my house
-Grocery shop
-Organize closet space in our bedroom
-Go to sister Holly's house to check out the wedding dress she designed and is sewing.
-Other boring things: pay bills, return stuff we decided we don't want, install carpet tack strip between hall and bathroom, put door closer thingy on back screen door, take DishNetwork equipment to UPS, find a Pooh costume for Hannah (they're going to be Tigger and Pooh)...


Got my work cut out for me, ya think?

This is my Autumn impression

I gotta be honest, there is nothing in me right now that wants it to be fall yet. Like, at all. Last winter was really tough for me, having a tiny baby and a toddler, and it was FREEZING cold, and there was snow on the ground for like 2 months solid and that never happens here, and I seriously think I might have had that S.A.D. thing...

But, I'm making a batch of these right now. And, if there's one thing I like about fall, it's pumpkin spice anything. Add chocolate to it, and you've got a winner for sure.

Breastfeeding

Did you know that even if you have adopted, or allowed your milk to dry up, you can still breastfeed? I came across this really interesting page today that tells how to reestablish milk supply after it is gone or almost gone. (It also has links to lots of other fascinating info!)

I have so much sympathy for women who have had a tough time breastfeeding - all odds are against them in our culture. It seems like MOST women have never seen it done. I had the blessing of growing up with it in my home and in my extended family. I remain convinced thus far, that anyone who wants to can breastfeed IF they find the right support system. Even if you have to start from scratch, it can be done!

And by the way, kellymom.com is just generally a fantastic resource when it comes to breastfeeding.

Football season is here part 2

So, I guess this post really struck a chord with everybody. I have to say, I was shocked at the sheer volume of replies. OK, so there were like 10. But that is a new record for this blog. :)

I have a bunch of thoughts, and they don't seem to follow any kind of progression, but I'd like to share them anyway.

If you didn't read Leslie's comment toward the end, you should. I think she hit the nail on the head. We need to know that we are important enough that our husbands will defend time with us like they would defend their time watching a game. As I thought through that, the times when I have been most cranky about Nick watching a game have been times we have not had enough quality time together.

Our lives have to be balanced. I think that means different things for different families.

You guys should all come over next time Nebraska is on tv. It'll be fun. I know it's a drive for some of you. I don't care. :)

I'm not sure I will ever get to a point where I get involved in the games. Nick's not even sure he wants me to. He told me last night that he feels like my disinterest keeps his interest in balance. I did, however, walk by a sports apparel store in the mall today. Nick has been talking about how he wanted a new Nebraska t-shirt to wear during games. So, I got him one. It made him laugh. Watching games...not so much. Buying clothes? I can handle that one! Ha!

A Book Meme

Marianne tagged me for this book meme. Hmmm... Hopefully I can find the books I have recently read. And incidentally, what's a "meme" and why is it called that anyway?

My currently reading list:
"Keep a Quiet Heart" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Awaken the Giant Within" by Anthony Robbins
In Style, Real Simple, Cottage Living, Better Homes and Gardens magazines

Total number of books in my library:
I have no clue. I have two full bookcases, and another half of one with music books

Last book finished:
"Parenting Isn't for Cowards" by James Dobson
"The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey
"Becoming a Chief Home Officer" by Allie Pleiter
"The Book of Numbers" by Moses

Last book bought:
"Lifegiving" Tammy Maltby

5 Meaningful books: (Bible aside)
"Till We Have Faces" by C.S. Lewis
"The Power of a Praying Parent" by Stormie Omartian
"Lifegiving" by Tammy Maltby
"The Red Tent" by Anita Diamant
"What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us" by Danielle Crittenden

5 Favorite Books:
My favorite books are the meaningful ones, but I will add:
"The Secret Garden" by Frances Hodgson Burnett
"Prescription for Nutritional Healing" by Balsch

5 others to tag:
Kyla
Laura
Flo
I can't think of anyone else who will do it...SaraW?

On discouragement

This was on Jana's blog today:

"...the Bible declares from beginning to end that faith is the law of the spiritual life, and that according to our faith it always shall be and always will be unto us. Then, since faith and discouragement cannot, in the very nature of things, exist together, it is perfectly manifest that discouragement must be an absolute barrier to faith. And that where discouragement rules, the converse to the law of faith must rule also, and it shall be to us, not according to our faith, but according to our discouragement.

In fact, just as courage is faith in good, so discouragement is faith in evil; and, while courage opens the door to good, discouragement opens it to evil...

Discouragement flies where faith appears; and, vice versa, faith flies when discouragement appears. We must choose between them, for they will not mix."

-Hannah Whitall Smith

I've never thought of it that way before - discouragement is faith in evil. It is believing that evil has more power to win in my life than good does. Really, it is believing that God is not powerful enough to be in control. This is one of those "retrain your mind" things. We have to decide how we're going to think.

Football Season is here

I have a confession to make: I have a love/hate relationship with football. Okay, so it tends more on the hate side than the love side. Every fall, I am torn.

On the one hand, I love my husband very much, and he loves football very much. Somebody remind me of the algebra illustration that I cannot remember here. If (something) and (something) then (something)=(something) :) At least it should.

Anyway, I grew up in a home where we did not watch sports. My dad enjoys them, but never really followed a team, and neither of my brothers caught the bug, whatsoever. In fact, the thought of Ryan or Nathan sitting in front of a game is humorous to me, come to think of it.

Nick, on the other hand, is from Nebraska. Nebraska is the world headquarters of college football fans. There is nothing like a Nebraska fan in the world. Seriously. When we go back there to visit, the streets are literally empty if there's a game on. Football is what men, and women for that matter, do. When Nick calls his parents, the first 20 minutes are usually a debate about what player is doing well this week, or whether someone will be well enough from their injury to play, or chat about some new exciting recruit. To be honest, I tune it out.

Thankfully, I have a husband who is incredibly understanding about this difference in our cultures. When he watches a game, he will usually chase the girls around the living room, change diapers, referee arguments, and even interact occasionally. He does not yell at people (or at the tv. :) Now that we have DVR (this is BAD - incredibly addictive!) he will even "pause" the game and deal with a crisis. Happily, I might add.

So my issue is, I am a grouch. I cannot figure out for the life of me why it frustrates me so much that he likes this. Yes, it is time out of our weekend, but it's not THAT much time. Every time he watches a game, I wrestle with my attitude the entire time. I go into martyr/feel sorry for myself mode. I hate that I am so stinkin' selfish about it.

Does anybody else deal with this? This is like the one thing Nick ever asks for himself...

Headlines

Nothing very useful to say today, feel free to skip this one. :)

-Unpacking is mostly done. Done meaning the boxes are out of the house (except for our bedroom). Now the garage is another matter altogether. But, my living room looks pretty today!

-I have potted flowers on the front deck/porch thingy. This makes me smile.

-Yesterday I figured out how to change the broken tail light and turn signal in the Jetta. Go me!

-Tonight we are going to choir. I am so very much looking forward to this.

-Anyone know how I can get my 1 year old to quit waking up at 3:30 every night? She STILL does this. I nurse her in my sleep and wake up with her kicking me or whacking my face a few hours later. I would just let her cry it out, except then she wakes up Hannah and they keep EACH OTHER up. Sigh.

-My parents get back from their trip in four days! Several times a day, I go through this with Hannah:

H: Where Mama? (I'm mommy, gramma is mama)
Me: She went bye bye on an airplane.
H: Where Papa?
Me: He went bye bye on an airplane.
H: Where Amy?
Me: She went bye bye on an airplane.
H: Where Nathan?
Me: He went bye bye on an airplane.

At this point she will ask where the kitty is (at gramma's house), where Disney and Bella (gramma's dogs) are, (they're at gramma's house), and then begins to go through Daddy, Holly and David, Ryan... Then sometimes we start all over with Gramma again. She misses everybody!

-I made rice crispies treats last night. Nick and I are addicted to these, I have to admit. Whole Foods has kosher (and gluten free!) marshmallows, and puffed rice made with brown rice. I know it's probably not much better for us, but it makes us feel better. We can finish the entire pan in two days between the two of us. It's bad.

-I'm playing the piano for a wedding on Saturday. Nice. Easy money! It's amazing what people happily pay for an hour of your time when you play well. I have been so glad, over and over again, that I did not quit piano lessons when I was 10.

-I got new makeup the other day. About 6 months ago, my body decided to outright rebel when I so much as touch anything with soy in it. Seriously. Eating it makes me sick as a dog, and I get an itchy rash on my elbows and knees. It is SO weird. Wearing makeup or lotion with it burns like fire and eventually makes my skin red and swollen. Therefore, my choices for cheap makeup are limited. (Read: nonexistent) However, I found Origins. It's not cheap, but it's not horribly expensive either, and they use very few nasty chemicals. Most of their stuff is soy free and paraben* free, and it smells SO good.

*I have decided to attempt to avoid parabens if I have the choice. The article I linked says nothing has been proven and I don't go overboard. I do however, want to make the best choices possible.

-Have I mentioned we're going to choir tonight?

OK, off to do something more productive.

Hope

If you're a mom, make time for this article today.

Audrey's Birthday

I found the camera cable this morning. The third time I looked for it. In the computer bag. Where it belongs. Sheesh.

So, I know several people who have recently thrown beautiful, creative first birthday parties for their kids. This wasn't that. Signing a year lease 4 days after Audrey's birth timed our move perfectly. But, to make myself feel better, I told myself multiple times, "She will not know the difference, unless I get all upset about it. Then she will know something is up." We did what we could, and we had fun, and I didn't kill myself over it. I suppose the cute party will have to come next year.

With that disclaimer, here are some pictures. Like everybody always says, I can't believe my baby is one already...

Clutter

This is a subject that is currently close to my heart. I thought I would offer some of the tips I'm using. Maybe they can be useful to you as well!

1. I read a Feng Shui article in a magazine once. Feng Shui is HUGE on decluttering. It said something like, "Go around your house, touching everything in it. Ask yourself about each item, "Do I love this, does it make me smile? If the answer is no, throw it away." After having a good laugh about the way they said it, I have applied that principle ever since. If something makes me feel sad when I look at it, or if it was given to me and I have no use for it, or if I bought it and no longer need it, I throw it away. I DO NOT throw away things that have meaningful sentimental value. I have to be careful about this, because I tend to throw away too much and then I'm sorry later. You may lean in the opposite direction - be aware of how much you need to/want to get rid of.

There is no reason, for example, for me to have 3 sets of measuring cups. 2 of them I think I bought at the dollar store when I got my own apartment in college. I have Tupperware ones I got as a wedding present. There. 5 more square inches of cabinet space.

Note: Useful things do not necessarily have to make you smile for you to keep them. I do not advocate throwing away your dishwasher, no matter your feelings toward it.

2. Put same-sized objects together. They fit better and take up less space.

3. Utilize containers - glass bowls, baskets, lazy susans, vases - anything can be used to group things together and keep them looking neat

4. Keep your focus - what is important? For me, I love books. I also love to have people over. Therefore, I am not likely to get rid of many books, except on paperbackswap. I also want to keep most of my duplicate dishes because they will allow me to entertain. I do not spend a ton of time baking, so some of my baking stuff can go. We only have two bedrooms and therefore don't need 5 sets of extra sheets in the linen closet. At the very least they can go into storage in the garage for the day we have a guest room (or when the girls want to build forts with them in a couple years!).

5. Clothing - they say if you haven't worn it in a year, you never will again. Take it to Goodwill. Your kids will be mad in 20 years when you say, "I used to have one of those" about something they would DIE to have. But really, do you have space to store it for 20 years? The kids clothes should be packed away in boxes for future siblings or sold or taken to Goodwill once they are too small. Allowing them to stay in the drawer just complicates getting them dressed (and keeping the dresser drawers closed!).

6. Toys - Are there pieces that end up all over the floor, never used for their intended purpose? Are there things your kids are bored with? Pack them away for a month and begin rotating the toys. Every month when you bring out the old stuff, put away different ones. Voila'! New toys every month.

7. If you don't know where to start, set your timer for 15 minutes and do SOMETHING, anything! If you are still overwhelmed when you're done, set the timer for 15 minutes and rest. Then set it again and work for another 15 minutes. Or, just keep going. If I can get into cleaning mode, I can change the world in the course of an hour. :)

Alright. Gotta go use some more of my own advice! Happy decluttering!

A cottage of your own?

Anybody want to move in across the street from me? The neighbor (who I gather just bought the place) just told me they're putting it up for rent soon. 2 bed, 1 bath, 650 sq. ft., $650 a month neg. There's a little fenced yard with a very old-looking shed made out of logs behind it. In my book, a million times better than a 2 bedroom apartment, and probably cheaper! I would add a pic, but I can't find my cord for the camera... Arg.

Thanks!

Kyla nominated me for the Rockin' Girl Blogger award. Thanks, Kyla. Now, I'm aware that half the blogosphere has one of these, but it's still special to me... :)



So, I'm nominating Flo, whose creativity and opposite political opinions I appreciate, even though we're never met. I would love to read a post about your political perspective, Flo. I'm terribly curious! :)

And elixir, whose real name I'm not sure of, but I have been enjoying her thoughtful posts for the past couple months.

Well, we're here

The past few days have been a whirlwind. Tonight we're having my family over for birthday cake for Audrey before my parents and youngest siblings leave for CA for 10 days. We worked our tails off since Friday, and there is still much to be done. We also have yet to clean the townhouse and check out with our old landlord. Seeing as how the girls are still sick with colds, not quite sure how I'm going to get that done.

I was thinking today, as I worked on putting away the endless boxes of stuff into the very limited space in the kitchen, that I believe contentedness must be practiced. Here's what I mean: we have looked forward to moving to this house for months, really. Back in February we began looking for a place to live. This is where we ended up. There are so many things I love about it. As I walked through this poorly cared-for cottage, I saw a place where we could thrive, even before it looked like such a place. When it comes down to reality though, sometimes the piles of boxes and lack of space threaten to crowd out the hopes and dreams. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?

Honestly, I could probably move to a brand-new, huge house and still find something to be upset about. I think most people could. So, I want to learn to be content here. Here, with the toilet that Nick has made three (so far) trips to Lowe's for the stuff to fix it. Here, with the lack of closet and cabinet space. Here, with the carpet that is less than perfect. Here, with...fill in the blanks.

I was thinking of the Rich Mullins song, "One Thing."

Everybody I know says they need just one thing
But what they really mean is they need just one thing more
Everybody seems to think they got it coming
Well, I know that I don't deserve it, still I want to love and serve you more and more
You're my one thing

You're my one thing
And the pure in heart shall see God

And then, there's Phil. 4:11-13:

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

And THEN, there's 2 Peter 1:3:

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

So, if I know that God has given me everything I need, and that it is possible to live in contentedness, I'm determined to find it! I have always loved the idea of having a simple life - not needing much to be full of joy, hospitable, at peace, and able to live within our means. So, this house is a gift from God to me. Without being forced to, I'm not sure I would ever learn how to live that way. Watch me learn!

Food and faith

Head over to Ancora Imparo for one of the most balanced posts I've read, on how nutrition relates to God's calling on our lives.

Waste

The title of this blog reminds me of a Phish song from my hippie days. Sigh.

So, I've been working on reading through the Bible in my quiet time. I wasn't sure what to read, so I just decided to start at the beginning. I was hit a few months ago with the thought that I don't really know God like I want to. I know lots of things ABOUT God, but I wanted to know HIM better. What does He like? What things make Him happy? He has a personality, you know.
Anyway, I have worked my way to Numbers. There is a whole lot in the book of Numbers that is...less than thrilling. I cringed inwardly when I got there. However, I have been asking God to reveal Himself to me, and He is faithful to do that.

I have been struck, as I read through the ceremonies and traditions outlined in Numbers, by the concept of sacrifice versus waste. The Israelites were told to sacrifice a baby lamb - one in the morning, one in the evening, every day. They also were to make a drink offering - just pour out good wine on the ground in a holy place that God would see. This is just one of a long line of sacrifices in a long line of occasions that had to be made to forgive the sins of the people.

But God, what a waste! What about poor people? What about the sheep's mothers who carried and birthed those babies only to have them burned up - not even used for food? What about the expense that was? Surely there were people who needed those things to feed their families! It's not like God needed them! I guess that is the age-old argument against tithing too.

In the world's eyes, sacrifice will always look wasteful. Why would you allow yourself to be uncomfortable for somebody else? For me, why should I stay home with my kids and do dishes over and over? (I always mention dishes. They are my least favorite.)

I think there are several reasons.

1. We are not really our own provider. We work and try to be productive because it's what we are supposed to do, but God is the one who provides for us. Ps. 127:2, in the alternate translation in the NIV, says, "In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat, for while they sleep he provides for those he loves." When we give away some of ourselves, we surrender control over our own destiny. It's not all up to us. I think it is possible to tithe out of habit and not remember this, by the way. Don't give out of compulsion.

2. It changes who I am, to sacrifice. I was telling Nick last night that nothing I do strokes my pride anymore. I have had to find all new reasons to hold my head high and invest in people. Hard. But best for me. Wearing trendy clothes all the time, being on stage, achieving, looking like I have it all together... That's where I used to find my security. I have spent the past 5 days with a flaming case of pink eye, wiping green running noses, rocking crying babies with stuffy noses late at night, coughing my head off, disinfecting, washing my hands until they are raw, and resolving not to worry - we'll get packed and moved on Friday...somehow. Not exactly food for the ego. But, once the transformation is complete (it might take years!), I will be secure in my value. It won't depend on my performance anymore. I like that outcome.

3. God said to. I think sometimes, with certain things, we need to be able to say "I don't understand, but I will do it anyway." We know in our heads that we can trust God. So, trust Him. If He says something, don't question it - just do it. I have to pretend sometimes that I'm trusting. I don't feel it. I will say out loud - "I am letting go of this, this is Yours!" And that's the end of it...until 2 minutes later when I have to do it again. Sometimes I think we can over-complicate our lives by demanding answers for everything. I try to explain to Hannah why I need her to do most things, but there are times she says, "How come?" And I just can't explain it, so the answer is "Because." That HAS to be okay coming from God. Just because.

Another thought that comes to mind in this area is our new pastor that we voted on yesterday. More than 95% approval. Cool. It does, however, make me wonder about that 5%. Why would they vote no? Do they think they know better than everybody else? From the first announcement, I decided to trust the process. We elected a selection committee. They prayed and fasted. We prayed for them. They spent months looking at the options, trying to hear from God about who He wanted to be pastor. They settled on Brady Boyd. Not who anyone expected. But why would I question the decision? If I couldn't agree to submit to the authority at that church, I would go somewhere I could submit to. There is rest and protection in trusting people. And I can still say that after what our church has been through. Anyway, kind of a rabbit trail there, but maybe not so much. I believe God wants me home with my kids. So I do it. I can't expect anything in return because staying home does not guarantee me obedient, healthy kids. But I'm doing it anyway because it's what I'm supposed to do.

Welp, I better go pack boxes, reminding myself of my sermon the whole time. Two more days!

Carpet...naturally!

So, I think I've mentioned that the new house had a terrible pet smell problem. I have a story to tell, edited for length and clarity. :)

Tuesday I had an appointment to have the carpet treated and cleaned by a professional company. I knew they were going to use nasty chemicals, but I didn't know what else to do. We can't live in a sewer, ya know? Tuesday morning I talked with the mother of one of my piano students. She owns a furniture restoration company. "Don't have them put chemicals in your house," she tells me. "Get some Citra-Solv."

Of course. What's that again?

Anyway, I went down to the local health food store, got a $10 bottle of the stuff, diluted it 1 part Citra-solv to 5 parts water like she told me, and using a turkey baster, injected this into the carpet in the dirty spots. My parents own a black light, which enables you to see where the urine spots are. Instantly, the smell was gone. It smelled like oranges instead.

Today, we rented a carpet cleaning machine and filled it with 1 cup of plain white vinegar per 2 gallons very hot water and cleaned the carpet. It smells clean, looks MUCH better, and no chemicals. The best part? We had planned on paying maybe $250 to have the smell professionally taken care of.

Carpet machine - $25
Citrasolv - $10
Vinegar - $1.50
Bucket/turkey baster - $7

For a grand total of... $43.50. Nice.

We're siiick.

Ugh. (Read that out loud without breathing through your nose)

We did not manage to escape the nasty cold going around. In addition, Hannah has this weird habit of poking the corner of the tag on her blankie into the corner of her eye. As a result, if pink eye is going around, she gets it. (Any brilliant ideas there? She LOVES her tag.) Therefore to date all four of us have had it. Gross. We are washing hands till they're raw and disinfecting nonstop.

Have I mentioned we're moving in five days?

This is one of those times where relying on my own strength would be comical. When we get through this, well and moved, it will be because of God. And amazingly, to this point I'm trusting fairly well. The tone in our home is upbeat and light. We're in this together. I'm so grateful!

I'm here

...Just flying from one thing to the next. Quick headlines:

-Audrey took her first steps this week. She was with my mom while I was getting my teeth cleaned so I missed the first ones, but she's very excited to demonstrate ever since.

-Nick got moved down to 50 hours a week at work. To most people this sounds like a lot. To us, it's a vacation. No more working weekends, no more getting home at 6:30 every night... What a relief!

-10 more days until moving day. If you're around and you're volunteering, yes, please come help. Let me know when you can be here. :)

-We're really excited about Pastor Brady. He's a shoe-in.

-Today I left the girls at "Mom's Day Out" at church, and went to Starbucks and read and then window shopped for a while. It was wonderful.

-I do not feel like cooking dinner. Ever again. Maybe it's because it's 90 degrees in my house right now.

-I packed 5 boxes today. I better go get more boxes.

-Currently reading: Elizabeth Elliot's "Keep a Quiet Heart." This book has been on my bookshelf for seriously 10 years. There is no way it could be more relevant to me today. Also picked up some Kierkegaard for the first time. Don't know why I have never read this guy before. Where has he been all my life?

-Carpet cleaning: tomorrow. Maybe our new house will then quit reeking of pet.

-Hannah is learning to use her words. A couple days ago, I got an "Up, please?" instead of Uhhh..uhh...UHHHH!!!" This signals success in my book. It's the little things.

That's all I got for now. Be back soon.

I love this!

I know of no greater simplifier for all of life. Whatever happens is assigned. Does the intellect balk at that? Can we say that there are things that happen to us that do not belong to our lovingly assigned "portion"("This belongs to it, that does not") Are some things, then, out of the control of the Almighty? Every assignment is measured and controlled for my eternal good. As I accept the given portion, other options are canceled. Decisions become much easier, directions clearer, and hence my heart becomes inexpressibly quieter. A quiet heart is content with what God gives.~Elisabeth Elliot

Our New House

We spent about 5 hours total at our new house yesterday, working on things. There's a reason this place is cheap. There were several gaping holes in the walls/ceiling, the carpet is in bad shape, and the whole place is covered in a layer of grime. Now, I'm not a perfect housekeeper, but if there's grime in my house it better belong to someone in my own family.

So, Nick took on the holes, and half a tub of spackle later, the holes are almost invisible. I scrubbed the kitchen floor and walls and the bathtub and bathroom mini-blinds for a start. We're looking into replacing the carpet (perhaps we can split the cost with the landlord) because there's just no way to live on it in its current state. Maybe during that process, I can actually get something other than carpet in the bathroom. Yuck. Carpet in bathrooms is just gross.

Anyway, lest you think we're about to go live in a dump, with a little money (which in theory we can afford because of how cheap the rent is), a little work, and some imagination, we will have a very cute house with a nice yard, and very little in rent. Two weeks till moving day!

Advantages of moving

Sometimes you find cute pictures.


This is Nick's Grampa. He was a famous accordion player who had a polka band that toured Nebraska back when it was largely Polish and Czech people. No joke. We have a tape of them somewhere.


This is my adorable husband when he was 2, with his dog Mochie. And you wonder why our kids are so cute... :)

Wow.

The list in my brain gets overwhelming some days. Actually, today it's a list of lists.

People I need to call back
People I need to see in the next week or so
Things I need to buy
Things I need to do to get money for the things I need to buy (sell junk on Craig's List, get a late check from a student, call back potential new students, etc.)
Meetings I need to go to
Things I need to start packing
Things I need to take to the new house
Things I need to do to the new house
Random errands to run (Gotta get x-rays from old dentist to new dentist)
Chores that need to be done at home

You see how it is.

well-behaved women

Kyla wrote an interesting post today as she was processing the movie "Becoming Jane," which I would love to go see. Here is the part I found very interesting (hope you don't mind being quoted, Kyla!)

"This is off topic with the movie but I found it odd when I joined the blogging world that Jane Austen and her characters are held as the role model for femininity and "Biblical Womanhood". I always loved her books and her heroines for their non conformity and their independent thinking. Yes, they were feminine and and they adhered to the social expectations but deep down they were always looking for something more than what society could offer to them. Isn't that why we choose the books we love so much?

I have never met a woman who wanted to be Beth March or Diana Barry or Melanie Hamilton or Mary Ingalls or Jane Bennett. We always relate to the women who are different and whose aspirations exceed those limitations set upon them by circumstance and society. Does anybody else find this to be true? If we were going to use these novels as a guidebook to how to live right, then we should look at the side characters rather than the leading ladies as our role models. Maybe I am missing why people have chosen this time period to be the standard by which we should live."

Jane Austen's time period was one of women not afraid to be feminine, and of polite, gentle manners that appeal to lots of bloggers, that is for sure. But I think Kyla's right - they miss the part about the heroine's fight against that very society. The women who rebel always seem to be the ones who end up happiest. The submissive ones have sad stories. Think of Diana Barry - didn't she end up in an unhappy marriage and eventually widowed, never having done or seen anything except the town where she was born? Mary Ingalls really did get scarlet fever (is that right?) and went blind. Jane Bennett might be a role model, she was just quiet and therefore hard to fully understand and relate to. She at least ended up with a good man and a happy life.

The rebellious ones appeal to us, I think, because women (and men, for that matter) long for adventure in life. In the words of John Eldredge, "to have an irreplaceable part in a grand adventure." We want the rebellious ones to win, because it somehow validates our own desperation with...monotony.

I have always liked that bumper sticker that says, "Well-behaved women rarely make history."

I have thought about this stuff a lot lately though, and the fact is, caring for my husband, staying home with my kids, leading a quiet, peaceful existence and daily pursuing a deep relationship with God IS counter-culture right now. Nobody tells us that keeping our marriage strong and raising our kids to be people of God is a higher calling than saving the world, but I believe it is!

Well.

We are refinancing the Jetta! Not a great interest rate, but the payment will stay the same, and I get to keep my car. :) We may still try to sell it, but are planning on saving up money to fix the door, etc. So, a good end to the story. We go to sign the paperwork tonight. That's a relief!

The garage sale was a success. We have sold some of the bigger things on Craig's List so we didn't make a ton at the actual sale, but overall we were pleased with the result.

I went and found Hannah some new clothes at Old Navy Saturday night. Their stuff is SO cheap when it's on sale. Nice. Suddenly none of her 2T stuff fit. Funny how they grow overnight like that.

Church was exciting yesterday. We went to the morning and evening services, which has become unusual for us since having little kids. Pastor Brady seems like a really good guy. His sermon Sunday morning showed some of his strengths, which match up incredibly with New Life's weaknesses. It seems that he will bring a new perspective that is sorely needed around here - both at New Life and in the city as a whole. Wednesday night we get to go to a small group leader meeting with Pastor Brady. Thursday night is a big women's meeting I will attend with my small group. Sunday is church all day again. Choir starts with a huge family picnic next week. Things have seemed so quiet all summer, but they are definitely picking up.

I have to go to the dentist this week. Ew. I inherited my Dad's terrible teeth. It makes for "fun" cleanings pretty much every time.

Somewhere in here, I HAVE to start packing. Even one box would be good!

Huh.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
The West
The South
Boston
North Central
The Inland North
Philadelphia
The Northeast
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

The Vitamin D/sunshine Conversation

I found this article today, written by a Nurse Practitioner. Definitely not an end-all authority, but fairly reliable, I would think.

"Today many of us work in sealed buildings with glazed windows, and we wear sunblock and drive everywhere in cars instead of walking outdoors. Any sunblock with an SPF above 8 will block the UV rays necessary for vitamin D conversion."

TC had a good point - do we want to lower our risk of some cancers, but raise our risk of melanoma by spending time in the sun? I don't know the answer to that. I sometimes wonder if the skin cancer rates are not caused so much by the sun as they are caused by the constant barrage of chemicals we are exposed to. I know people who blame it on the parabens that preserve...pretty much every kind of skin care product from lotion to soap to makeup. Or even on dyes in similar products. Who knows if that's right or not since it hasn't been studied to my knowledge? People 200 years ago certainly didn't have sunblock and didn't die from skin cancer, and I find it hard to believe sun exposure has changed THAT much since then.

The article also says this:

"Our bodies are remarkably efficient. During the summer months, even as little as 15 minutes in the sun (without sunblock!) in the early morning and late afternoon is enough for most light-skinned individuals to create an ample supply of vitamin D. Skin with more pigment (melanin) may require up to 40 minutes.

But you could say we are trading our longer lifespan for an increased risk of skin cancers, so don’t throw away your sunblock! It’s important to protect your skin, particularly on your face and scalp, during the sun’s peak hours (11 AM – 2 PM) by using a lotion with SPF–15 or more, preferably PABA–free. Melanoma is a serious condition, and I’m not in favor of increasing your risk with unhealthy sun exposure.

This means you should not be out in the sun unprotected for more than 15 minutes, twice a day, early in the morning and late afternoon. If you begin to turn red before 15 minutes, cover up completely or go inside. It is never a healthy practice to burn your skin. It is also not safe to use tanning beds as a source of vitamin D. Please click here to learn more about tanning beds and vitamin D."

As in everything, the bottom line is going to be that we have to make our own choices and be responsible for our own health. We can only do our best with what we know. Any other thoughts?

Ha!

Encouragement for moms

Hey, if you're a stay at home mom, this sermon by Pastor Brady Boyd is very encouraging!

And...breathe!

I haven't had time for writing many thought-provoking things lately. (Provoking, maybe, but not thought provoking, right, Christina? :) The past couple of weeks have been a whole lot of keeping my head above water.

The girls are currently napping, which is incredible. Actually, it is carefully planned. I have found that if I take them somewhere as soon as Audrey wakes up from her morning nap, stay out till they're exhausted, then drive home as quickly as I can and put them in bed, they will miraculously nap at the same time. If we don't go anywhere, Hannah falls asleep on the floor somewhere about the time Audrey gets up, and they tag-team naps all day. Fun. So, today was a trip to the childcare at church, provided for Moms who need a day out. (That would be me.) Nice.

The situation with the Jetta has become critical-ish. Our lease is up soon, and because of the hit and run thing that happened, nobody wants to buy our slightly damaged Jetta. So, our choices are to turn it in and pay lots of penalties for too many miles and body damage and then not have a second car, or get another loan. We don't like either option all that much. We're trying to decide what to do. Somehow or other, I am sure God will lead us where we need to go with this, but from our perspective alone it doesn't look too good. Take it from me: no matter how good they make these leases look, don't do one! It is a cleverly disguised way to trap people and thereby rip them off. We learned our lesson well!

A cool thing happened. Our next door neighbors were moving out. We came home that day and they had all their living room furniture out on the front porch. "Need a couch?" They asked us. Why? Turns out they couldn't fit them in the truck they rented to drive to Arizona. So, they gave us their couch, love seat, chair and ottoman, which we were able to sell very quickly. Extra money out of the blue for us, and a new living room set for Liz and Dave and...some other guy who bought the piece they didn't want. :) Thanks, God!

We are having a garage sale on Saturday. Come buy our junk. No, seriously. :)

Just three weeks till we move. I need to start packing now. For real. Although when we moved in here, we packed and moved in three days, and moving day was the fourth day after Audrey was born. I wouldn't recommend doing it this way, but it can be done. Ha! I literally do not remember that moving day.

Our church has found a candidate for the Senior Pastor position. And everybody breathed a sigh of relief! It's time to be out of transition and to move on in my opinion. Plus, the guy they found is fantastic. Nick has been listening to sermons by him all week long. He is sold. Lots of people, including us, thought Pastor Ross (who has been the interim pastor,) would get the job. Everybody was a little shocked when he didn't get a nod. However, he already has a national worship ministry - he's traveling to churches all over the place to encourage them in worship. If he became Sr. Pastor he would have to give that up. Who knows what things will change around New Life, but we're excited to move forward. The new guy will preach three Sundays and then there will be a vote. If he doesn't get confirmed by the vote, the whole process will start again because all the other candidates have been ruled out. Exciting times, I'm tellin ya. We are pretty sure he's pass, no problem. It's time to move on, and the work has been done. Let's trust the people in charge, and the process, and God's direction, and move on.

OK, I suppose I should go organize garage sale things...or else take a nap.

Sunshine reduces breast cancer risk

Yet another reason to forgo the sunscreen...

Toy Recall

Hey, if you have bought Sesame Street, Dora, or Diego toys at Walmart in the past few months, you better look here and figure out if they are being recalled. There are lots of them, and a couple of the ones we have are on the list, but were manufactured before this issue.

Can somebody explain to me why they can't figure out how to keep lead out of the paint they put on toys? It just doesn't seem that hard...

On God and Bridges

I came across this article by John Piper today.

All too often we are told that life is supposed to be easy. "Have it your way." "Do what feels good." The fact is, life is sometimes hard, and only God understands why. Sometimes I fear the death of a child or my husband. However, as this article points out, it is only by the mercy of God that any of us lives or dies. Ultimately we as Christians should have the goal to bring the most glory to God that we can. If He decides that a bridge collapse brings Him the most glory, we need to weep with those who weep, love people - whatever that means, and praise God for carrying out His purposes in the earth, despite our lack of understanding it. My seizure disorder comes to mind here, on a personal level.

Somehow this brings me greater peace than believing God had nothing to do with tragedies. Think of the plagues of Egypt. Who knows how many people died as a result, and yet God wanted to demonstrate His power to Pharoah and to the known world by bringing those terrible things. God is righteous, and He was righteous in doing that.

It bears repeating: the point of living on earth is not our comfort or happiness, it is God's glory. I am trying to learn to say with my whole heart the words of Mary, "I am the Lord's servant, let it be to me as You have said."

100 Things About Me

Kyla tagged me yesterday. Wow. Not sure I can do this one. I'll try! :)

1. I am the oldest of 5 kids
2. I was homeschooled until high school
3. I had a cat named Marie from the time I was 5, until she died while I was at ORU
4. I started keeping a garden when I was 8
5. I have a thing with smells - they either really bother me or I really like them
6. During my pregnancies I could not handle the smell of chocolate or coffee
7. When someone else's perfume gets on my kids when they hold them, I want to change their clothes and give them baths. This DOES NOT mean I don't want people to hold my kids! :)
8. I do not like to exercise. At all.
9. I grew up having chickens in the backyard. Among the ones I remember, we named them Buggy and Nellie
10. Soy, dairy, and caffeine make me feel TERRIBLE
11. I much prefer dresses/skirts to shorts
12. I don't use any chemical-containing stuff in my house...except shampoo and styling products. Haven't been able to give those up.
13. I have been to Germany, Switzerland and Mexico
14. I have lived in California, Oklahoma and Colorado
15. I went to Bible school in Estes Park, CO for a year. It was incredible.
16. I wore shoes as little as possible while I was there. I wear shoes as little as possible ever since.
17. I have had 6 grand mal seizures in the past 12 years.
18. I took medicine for a while and it made me sick
19. I started becoming interested in nutrition and alternative medicine because they help control my seizures.
20. Sometimes I doubt whether it really helps
21. I have gone in the girls' room and laid both of them down for naps about 10 times today. They don't want to sleep.
22. I really want a cat and a dog and some chickens
23. I am about to move to an old house, and I think (once certain things are fixed) I will like it more than I would a new house.
24. I once sang the offertory solo at my church for 5,000 people.
25. I have played with worship bands and led worship for lots more than that over the years.
26. At 18 years old, I was the secretary for my church's worship ministry
27. I worked temp jobs for a while, all over the city
28. I taught piano to the son of a famous worship leader for a while
29. I love to sing and play the piano, but most people only know I do one or the other
30. I have an irrational fear of stairs
31. I read everything I can get my hands on
32. I remember all of it, somehow
33. I would love to be in a band again
34. I would consider putting dreads in my hair and dressing like a hippie if my husband and family wouldn't freak
35. I would pierce my nose if...well, maybe I still will.
36. I love organizing stuff
37. I hate small talk
38. Because I hate small talk, I also generally dislike things I have to small talk AT: showers, girl parties, etc.
39. I love being in charge
40. I sleep with at least three pillows
41. I am addicted to Passion Tea from Starbucks, ginger cookies, and raspberries. Unfortunately, this probably means I am allergic to them on some level.
42. I usually enjoy my own cooking
43. I enjoy doing laundry
44. I hate doing dishes
45. I have a ton of books and no intention of limiting my collection anytime soon
46. I wear rosewater for perfume
47. When I am stressed or scared, my head and stomach hurt. Badly.
48. I tend to believe the best about people and am shocked when other people are mean
49. I often wish I could teach people things about nutrition or alternative medicine that would help them. If they don't ask, I have to assume they don't want to know.
50. Movies bore me usually. Halfway through, I don't care how they end enough to sit through them.
51. I dislike being uncomfortable in any way
52. Most makeup makes my face burn (it's the soy in it)
53. I once panhandled on Pearl St. in Boulder, CO. I played accordion in a group with my friends. We made like $40 in 2 hours.
54. We were WAY late for curfew that night
55. That is the one time I ever remember intentionally breaking the rules
56. I know how to teach people to play worship-style piano.
57. I'm working on writing a curriculum for it. I'll make lots of money if I ever get it done.
58. Once at a temp job, a random guy called up and cussed me out for no reason.
59. I got a letter of recommendation from the temp agency because of how well I handled it.
60. I am germ-aphobic
61. I keep funny things. I still have a piece of moss I once found at a summer camp. It reminds me of stuff.
62. Witty humor with great timing makes me laugh more than any other kind.
63. I read my Bible and prayed this morning before the girls woke up. (This does not happen every day, but I sure like it when it does!)
64. My church is one of my favorite places to be
65. I love sunshine
66. I have had a c-section
67. I have had a homebirth
68. The homebirth with no medication was easier than the c-section
69. I make lists constantly
70. I love gadgets
71. I read the instructions
72. Watching people dance makes me cry and I don't know why
73. Sweet potatoes are one of my favorite foods
74. I am very excited to homeschool my kids. This is new.
75. I love to shop, especially with my mom and sisters
76. The second I get in the car, I lock the doors
77. I hate feeling taken advantage of
78. I would rather get something done than do it perfectly
79. I am great at journaling/blogging, but bad at keeping baby books/taking pictures
80. I don't believe in leaving my kids overnight until they are around 5
81. My purse is usually a mess
82. I love being on time
83. I almost never wash my face and rarely break out
84. I never get tired of being touched and hugged
85. It makes me nervous when people don't make eye contact
86. If I thought my body could handle it, I would already be ready to have another baby
87. I still want to get my degree someday, even though it wouldn't change what I can already do as a career
88. I open all the blinds on the windows in my house every day
89. I like Loooong showers
90. I have always basically liked the way I look
91. I read every issue of In Style and Mothering magazines cover to cover
92. I hate wind
93. I have worked as an assistant for 5 years total, and I still get nervous before I make phone calls.
94. Waterdeep is my all-time-favorite band
95. I love watching What Not to Wear and the Food Network
96. I don't like cucumbers or watermelon
97. I usually feel inept at home decorating. I've been trying to just ask myself, "what do I like?"
98. When people use long words it makes me want to look them up and use them too
99. I am almost done with this thing!
100. It took me 4 sittings to finish it. :)

Kyla, I did it! :) I'm going to break the solemn rules of blogging, and refuse to tag anybody, mainly because I'm not sure I know anybody who will try it. :) If you do, let me know! Hope I didn't bore ya too much.

Letting go

I get attached to stuff. Places, houses, cars, things with sentimental value... They become part of who I am. I don't have a great memory, so I'm often afraid that if I get rid of something, I'll forget. Believe it or not, this does not end up making me a pack rat. I have no problem getting rid of junk...at least I tell myself that. I do come from a long line of pack rats, and my pack rattage does not compare to my grampa's, or even to my mother's! :)

In the next month, we are having a garage sale and moving. Some of the things we need to get rid of remind me of stories. Nick bought gold boots in England, for example. They are the ugliest things I've ever seen, yet part of me wants to beg him to keep them. They remind me of a more carefree time in life, when we bought things like gold boots just because they were funny. This townhouse, although very plain and on a busy street, is a place our girls grew up a lot. Audrey went from four days old to (probably before we move) walking. We are also still trying unsuccessfully to sell the Jetta, the car that was my dream as a teenager and college kid.

The fact is, I need to release these things. I grew up singing a hymn called "This World is Not My Home." It was running through my head yesterday.

This world is not my home, I'm just passing through.
My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue.
The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.

What is really important to me, my husband and kids, and even my memories go with me even as we leave "stuff" behind.

My love

Three years ago Tuesday, I married my best friend.

It was a rainy, misty day, the coldest July day in Colorado Springs history. The ceremony that was to be outside was moved inside, to the barn already decorated to host the reception. Tables were pushed aside for an aisle, the wreath wrapped with ribbon and tulle was re-hung, and a horse and carriage came to pick up my father and me from my parents' house down the dirt drive. I carried a bouquet of wildflowers. My cousins played harp, violin and viola. A couple hundred people we love saw us exchange our vows.

It wasn't what I expected. The ceremony could not take place in the wet grass under dripping pine trees, but the barn was warm(er), and full of joy. The mist outside gave our pictures a magical quality. The caterer we hired fell on hard times and did not have the money to serve what he had promised. Nobody will remember the food anyway. The best man dropped my ring on the dusty wooden second floor of the barn. We were all thankful there were no cracks for it to fall through, and laughed. Pastor Ross, who Nick and I respect now more than ever, served us communion and made jokes about "all Nick has to do is be like Jesus."

And I married my best friend.

Three years, one c-section, one homebirth, four (soon to be five) moves, and one seizure later, I love him more now than I ever thought I could. We have two beautiful children, a relationship of mutual trust and respect and tenderness, and a great future. I love you, Nick.

Overheard

A conversation at our house this week, as we were grabbing lunch on the go...

Me: Hannah, would you like chicken and carrots for lunch?
Hannah: Uh...how 'bout...rice and broccoli?
Me: No, we don't have rice or broccoli, how about chicken and carrots?
Hannah: How 'bout rice?
Me: Nope, no rice today.
Hannah: How 'bout broccoli?
Me: (laughing hysterically) Nope. How about chicken and carrots?

When you can't have what you want...negotiate!

Is it enough?

I am a part of the revival generation, according to the band Delirious. All the youth events I attended as a teenager (and there were many), told us we were going to be the ones to fulfill the Great Commission. We would go to the ends of the earth. We would change the world for Christ. I ate it up.

Because I was skilled in music even as a young child, it only made logical sense that my part in that calling would be in worship ministry. I became passionate about learning everything I could on how to lead people into a more intimate relationship with God through my music. This is how I spent my life. There was a drive, a resolve, to be the best so I could really make a difference. I knew I wanted a family, but if God's hand was on my life, how could I resist? Why would I want to?

Fast forward just a few years. I followed my spiritual head (then it was my father) to a new church where nobody knew me. No relationships=no opportunities here. Just as the relationships began to develop, God blessed Nick and me with a new baby, and everyone assumed I would not be interested any more. At this point it has been three and a half years since I played with a worship band consistently. I am rusty. I'm not even confident I could still do it well without some practice. I have no opportunities there right now unless I go out looking for them in places other than my own church.

Here's my question: is it enough?
-to keep a clean, pleasant, beautiful home?
-to be available to people and able to sit and have a cup of tea any time?
-to raise my girls, though the days are sometimes tedious, to be Godly women who are smart both intellectually and emotionally?
-to devote my extra time to things that are productive and creative, like reading, playing the piano, planning meals, teaching piano, playing with my children, writing blogs, growing plants/gardens...the list could go on and on?

Because, I think if I could be sure that just doing that was enough to be pleasing to God, the struggle to be content at home might be over for me. Everyone sure had high expectations for me. I was going to be the one to change the world. How about the lives of two very small girls?

Is that good enough?

WATERDEEP

We downloaded their new album over the weekend (Nick, I hacked into your account to finish today. :)

Oh, my goodness, I'm excited.

Oh, my goodness, I love this

From a very long, very good post here:

"These belief systems invade the home and make the family unstable. As home keepers we are supposed to guard the home. These destructive philosophies of life come into the home via the media, the mail, the schools, music, literature, the new laws that are made, and even infect things like the way our food is produced, the way our houses are built, the arts and crafts of our era, and the way our government is run, if we allow it. The home is the last frontier of freedom, where the practices that make it good can be quietly enforced. The homemaker can determine to put what is good and lovely into her life and her home. She has more power to create loveliness in the era in which we live, than the world knows."

What a novel idea...we as homemakers have the power to create what we want to create in our home! This is what women miss when they become bitter and discouraged with their children and their home lives. It reminds me of Proverbs 14:1, "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."

I can do this. We can do this.

How to be unique

Then Moses said to him,

"If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?"

And the Lord said to Moses,

"I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name."
Ex. 33:15-17

So... Know God and be pleasing to Him, and His presence will mark your life and distinguish you from everyone else? It all goes back to that "seek first the Kingdom of Heaven" thing, doesn't it?

Pea Souuuppp!

Two random comments before I really start this blog:

1. You've never lived until you've Google image searched "pea soup." As my 16 year old sister likes to say, "I think I just threw up a little in my mouth."

2. Did you ever see "The Rescuers Down Under"? There's these ants running around a restaurant, and somebody drops a pea from a table, and the ants run around carrying the pea, sayng, "Pea Souuupp!"

OK! Now that I have that out of my system...

I made split pea soup for dinner last night. I put it in the crockpot at 9am. It had split peas, ham, carrots, celery, onion, and spices. Oh, and tomato. It was going to be good. I started it on low, but at about 1:00 I turned it to high because it didn't seem to be going as quickly as it needed to. At 10:30pm, I finally unplugged it and gave up. The peas were still crunchy. 13 1/2 hours total, and 9 hours on high. It should have been mush. Apparently, my grocery store doesn't rotate it's stock as often as I might like... The peas must have been old. That's the only thing I can come up with.

It's still sitting in the crockpot on the counter. What, exactly, do I do with a FULL crockpot of soup? Gross. I'm not sure whether to cry or laugh?

It's cloudy outside

And Hannah's watching Elmo. Again.

I have to teach a piano lesson today. Just the one. The only one I've taught in three weeks. Nobody wants to take lessons during the summer.

We all have runny noses. It's clear, so hopefully it won't be a big deal. (I'm sorry, was that more than you wanted to know?)

Somehow I need to grocery shop today. The co-op we go to closes at 6. Nick gets home at 6:30ish. Therefore, I have to pull off this trip every week. It is a challenge. Audrey goes in the Bjorn and Hannah in the cart, or Audrey in the cart and Hannah runs around the store. Either way, I'm wiped out after a 20 minute trip. Either choice has its ups and downs. I love bringing the girls with me when I run errands. I feel like it helps them learn. But it sure requires patience and energy from me!

I have felt terrible for the past several days. For some reason any time I'm under stress, my digestion shuts down on me and my stomach is...not happy. I nurse myself with a combination of digestive enzymes, DGL, and probiotics. The silliest thing about it, is the only "stress" I'm currently under is my own thoughts. Everything is good. Somebody tell my stomach that, please.

Tomorrow we're going to the lake again. Should be fun!

OK, I guess I'll quit procrastinating now. Have a lovely day.

Jar of clay

Why does everything seem bad late at night sometimes? Have you ever experienced that? It's kind of a habit of mine. I remember nights as a child, when I would begin to get more and more worked up, and my mom would say to me, "Go to bed. You're overtired." And really, she was right. So anytime I feel sad at night, I always take it with that grain of salt.

But, I feel sad tonight.

I don't know what I expected this life to be - raising kids, having a husband, keeping my own home, etc. But sometimes I just get discouraged about it. My kids have tough days (wow, they do not enjoy the heat with no AC! It was 95 here yesterday!), Nick and I have disagreements, there is no end to the messes in the house...

I want to do this mommy thing well. I know all moms do. I want to do it better than everybody else. Is that arrogant? It might be. I don't intend it to be. Growing up, I always felt unique. I was always the leader. Being a mommy has started sort of an identity crisis for me. Any idiot can bear children. So, if I can't do it better than (at least) most people, what makes me important anymore? I am the entire world for Hannah and Audrey, but on days when they struggle, it's awfully easy to throw my hands up in the air and go, "That does it. I'm a failure." It all comes down to who I am in Christ and finding my value there rather than in what I accomplish. I'm not very good at that stuff.

I know these things:
-Life is a process, and nothing has a real, quick fix
-I MUST rely on God for strength. There is no one else who can give me what I need.
-Prioritizing is the only way to actually get to the things that are really important (like, do I deal with the messy bedroom, or read books to the girls?)
-This too shall pass
-God promises to complete the work He begins in us (like taking us away from finding our value in accomplishments, and showing us instead why we really matter)

I haven't had much to say lately because, honestly, I'm wrestling through things. Pastor Ross was speaking on Sunday about allowing other people to see our weaknesses, while reflecting the light of Christ at the same time. I have hope that on the other side of these struggles, I will be more like Jesus. I am determined, by God's power, to move that direction rather than the other. Although I have that desire that everybody has, to look like I have it all together, I hate that thing. I believe that desire is what keeps us separate from each other and alone.

And so, I will send this out into the void and hope it encourages someone to share their heart...with someone - anyone. We are all works in progress!

Expectations

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about what makes me do the things I do. For example, I have a tendency to beat myself up about stuff. Everywhere you look as a parent, there are people with opinions about how you're doing it. Experts, family members, friends, well-meaning strangers, not-so-well-meaning strangers...all of them would like to contribute to the way I raise my kids.

There are always going to be situations in which I, as Hannah and Audrey's mother, need counsel and support. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the times I feel guilty when we stay in our pajamas until 2. Or when the laundry doesn't get put away for days. Or when we have a tough day and we watch movies all day. There's this thing in me that says, "what would people think if they knew?" Here's my new thought: I don't care. :)

I have to raise my kids the best way I know how. God gave my girls to me, not to anybody else. So, here are the new questions I'm asking:

Does it please God?
Does it please Nick?
Does it please me?

If it's not important to any of us, why should I carry that burden? There are circumstances in which I will need counsel particularly to figure out what pleases God, but opinions that come in from every direction are not helpful. Cutting down the input to only the people who matter will make motherhood more fun and less stressful. For that matter, so will cutting down on the things I personally have an opinion about. Really, that's just a good way to live - whether you have kids or not!

Mmmmm...

We tried a GOOD local restaurant Friday night... Culpepper's. If you live here in town, you should go. It's cajun food, which is not something we know all that well, but boy, is it good. We ordered the "alligator pears" as an appetizer: avocado halves with mini shrimp and garlic butter spilling out. Full of fat and not really on the diet, but yummy as anything. We split a steak for dinner. It was spicy (even though we got the milder version) and crispy on the outside and very tender on the inside. With yams on the side that were sweet and buttery, and also a corn dish that we didn't really eat. Hannah had rice and beans with sausage and was perfectly happy. It was delicious. And afterward, next door, we decided to hit the "Gelatoria," a place that makes Italian style ice cream. They have a non-dairy blueberry. Yum. Not a cheap night, but we had so much fun. The girls had a blast, too.

The Color Quiz

colorquiz.com - You gotta try this. It's downright creepy. For anybody who ever had a hard time believing that colors effect your moods...this will convince you otherwise.

Hannah plays twinkle, twinkle

I finally captured this on video. Wait for Audrey's cheer at the very end. :)

House!

We found one... We move September 1st. It's tiny - 800 sq. ft, and cheap! And it has a yard. And we can get a dog...and a cat...and if I stay really brave through that adventure...maybe even some chickens. It's old and it has character, and we can paint and make it really cute. Maybe we can even stay more than a year. This will be our fifth home since we got married three years ago.

More on Organizing

Found this site today. I like to skim through lists like this periodically. I'm all for ideas that can make life simpler!

What to say?

I haven't known what to write again lately. I've started multiple blogs and then decided I didn't want to post them. So, today you get my random thoughts.

Our lease is up at the end of next month. We've been looking for a house with a backyard for cheap. Another move...this will be the fifth place we'll have lived in three years. Wow. We have to start packing in the next few weeks. Weird.

Our three year anniversary is the 24th. It feels like forever and a moment at the same time. Boy, have we grown and changed a lot in those three years.

Hannah is currently watching the Care Bears dvd Nick's sister got her, for the five thousandth time. I would very much like to break that little piece of plastic, but then where would I be when Hannah says, "Bebears?"

I made bread last night. I would be proud of myself, except for the fact that I accidentely used tablespoons of salt instead of teaspoons. It's still edible, sort of. That and the fact that the dishes are still all over the kitchen kind of cuts back on the sense of accomplishment.

Now Hannah is banging on the piano, singing "tinkle, tinkle wittle guy, tinkle, tinkle witta gar." Then she picks up the piece of paper and pencil I keep on the piano, scribbles a little, puts them back on the piano, and continues singing. It's just about the cutest thing she has done. I've tried to get it on video, but my little camera doesn't seem to pick up the audio well enough.

I got to play the piano yesterday. Through a friend of a friend, I heard about a little church that needed a pianist this weekend. It was a traditional, liturgical service - hymns and responsive readings, etc. I had to play the last phrase of the hymn for an intro, and then two verses. There was no songleader, so I had to play solidly enough that the congregation could follow just me. It was really fun, and because of my background, really easy. And they paid me $75 for a 45 minute service. That was Really cool. :)

I suppose I'll go tackle my mountain of laundry. I've been trying to do the laundry all in one day so it doesn't end up laying clean all over the house all week, as opposed to one load a day like flylady recommends. One day of folding laundry is enough for me!

This concludes this boring blog.

Worship

Guys, Jason Upton. Seriously.

I had heard him some before, but it never really connected before. In my book, you can't go wrong with a guy playing the piano and singing his head off to God. Especially when he reminds me of Keith Green, whose music I cut my musical teeth on. (He was my dad's favorite.)

This is the kind of music to play in the background if you need a sense of God's presence throughout the day. I know I need it.

Gluten-free bread

By request, (here ya go, Liz!) I will talk about my latest adventures in baking.

I got sick and tired of spending $5.50 a loaf (that's what it really costs) for a terrible loaf of gluten free bread, so I decided I would start making it. I'm not entirely sure it saves us much money because I'm still new to it and too lazy to add it all up. However, it certainly tastes better. I've been using this recipe, although I want to get some cookbooks and try some different ones. The ingredients are weird, but they can all be found at the health food store. And, this bread doesn't have to be kneaded. The hardest part is the long list of ingredients. I've been mixing up a HUGE batch of the flour mix and keeping it in the freezer to cut down assembly time.
So, there ya go. Try it, you'll like it! (maybe)

More on Community

My cousin Brian has been talking on his blog about building community for a while now. He's leading a Sunday School class on the topic (Right, Brian?). I thought these steps were fascinating. I think all friendships even go through these phases.

Gluten

Hannah had another gluten episode this weekend. It's been a very long time, yet it was still discouraging to me. Every time she goes for a while, I start to hope it's going away, or that God healed her, or that she's growing out of it, or something along those lines. We had lots of temper tantrums over the weekend. I have to remind myself those happen because she's not feeling that great. It's hard. She seems to be better today, which means we managed to avoid another exposure while eating out with my family this weekend. Always a good thing.

Today we're going to pick up the things we need to make gluten-free playdough. You wouldn't think of it, but playdough is made mostly of flour. As easy as it is to eat, and as quickly as fingers get stuck in the mouth while covered with just about anything, gluten-containing playdough is not a good idea. Thankfully, you can find recipes for just about anything on the internet. I'll have to post pics. I'm sure Hannah will have a blast.