Family Principles from Scripture

I'm really loving this kind of thing right now. I remember one time asking God why, if raising children is so important, He didn't tell us more about how to do it. I have to laugh at myself about that now, as I am discovering the vast amounts He has to say on the subject!

Grocery Shopping and Contentment

My life is very different from this blogger's, and therefore we do not always agree. But, I love her post today. This is how I am trying to approach our grocery shopping now. You can feel the place of peace and trust that she speaks from, even as you read her words.

She touches on something I've been pondering as I slowly read John Bevere's "Drawing Near." Many times when we are unhappy or restless, what we're craving is intimacy with God. But instead of seeking God for our fulfillment, it's easy to become disappointed with God in some way, and sometimes it's hard to believe we will find what we need there, or maybe we just don't want to slow down enough to spend the time. So instead, we fill our spirits with spiritual "junk food," and eat, or shop, or watch tv, or read away the desire. We've filled ourselves up, but it doesn't satisfy.

When Nick and I went away overnight, we had bought tickets to see a movie in a few minutes, but I was starving. We walked several blocks downtown, trying to find something relatively cheap that would be gluten-free. After having no luck, I settled on Taco Bell, because there are a couple of menu items with some protein that I know to be gluten free. I'm not used to eating that kind of food anymore, and as I ate it, I could totally sense that it was filling my stomach, but not nourishing me. I'm so used to nourishing food that I could tell the difference!

Being a mom is hard. Sometimes I'm tempted to do whatever it takes to survive. But I don't want to just survive - I want to thrive! I wonder if life will always be a struggle because I refuse to resign myself to "good enough." But I can't bring myself to believe that good enough, "junk food," is okay for us.

I was challenged by an email I got yesterday from a mom looking to join our mom's group. She said she was, "looking to get connected with other young moms in the area who are walking with the Lord in an intimate way and looking for other women to share life with." A simple statement, and yet it communicates so much. She doesn't just want to be with other women, she wants real deep connection with Godly women who will encourage her in her walk with God. Oh, that we can be that for each other!

What do you ladies think about this?

"Famous" Worship Leaders

We got the opportunity to see Matt Redman lead worship at the Desperation Youth Conference tonight. He is a huge hero of mine. I was so excited to see him actually play. I've never heard of him being in the US to play, and I just read that wikipedia article that says he has just moved over here from England. Cool! His gentle voice and manner has this affect on people, taking them to a place with God that is unique. I have this whole theory about how different worship leaders take people to different places with God, because they have had different aspects of God revealed to them. But, that's a post for another day.

As I thought about the excitement I felt to see this man play worship songs, it struck me as a little weird at first. What is the job of a worship leader, but to point to God? If the worship leader becomes famous, does that mean they have failed in their attempt to bring God glory? Some people would say yes, I suppose. It's not about the musicians. I know. Sort of.

Here's the thing though: I don't think God has a problem with heroes. He told the story of so many of them in the Bible! People like David, Noah, Joseph, Paul, Esther...the list goes on and on. They were just people too! It is GOOD to have people to look up to. Looking up to someone does not make them God. They are still human, and they will fail us. However, Matt Redman has become known because he has consistently sought God through the years and therefore has been able to write genuine songs that express a person's heart to God, with a musical style that opens hearts. If he did not daily make the decision to do that, he would not be where he is today.

I also think of Glenn Packiam, who today posted that he is leaving Desperation Band. Sad - his songs are some of my favorites, and his worship leading is a favorite as well - and yet exciting that he is taking another step toward what he feels called to do. Glenn, Jared, and Jon are more examples of men who have daily made the decision to follow Christ. People who make that decision ARE WORTHY OF BEING HONORED. Not worshiped, but honored. And God is honored through the honoring of Godly people.

I just couldn't get this concept out of my head tonight. I was blessed to be in the presence of God tonight, under Matt Redman's leadership. I was also blessed to be in Matt Redman's presence.

Honor

A while back I talked about reading John Bevere's Honor's Reward. Here's an interview with him about that same subject. This is a principle that we try our best to live by. It's difficult, and sometimes we do it better than other times, but I just feel this is such a rich teaching, full of daily application. Part one and part two.

A worthy life

I'm thinking about this passage this afternoon:

"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received."

Then he defines what a worthy life is:

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." (Eph 4:1-3)

What struck me about this passage is what's NOT there. Nothing about stewardship (keeping my house clean constantly), nothing about financial success (being able to buy nice things for my kids or even to be able to give thousands to church), nothing about anything related to achievement at all. Be humble, patient, loving and peaceful.

Isn't it funny how what God really asks of us is simultaneously so much easier and so much harder than what we expect?

Sad Day

Nick and I saw the headlines about the Chapman's daughter late last night. Ugh. What a horrible, horrible thing. That kind of thing is the worst fear of every parent. It sure makes everything else seem trivial. As awful as it is, I'm far enough removed from it to already see that God can do some incredible things through it. But wow. It reminds me how powerless we really are as parents. I must daily release mine to God's grace and mercy in order to have peace.

Too many words seem inappropriate. I'm off to (hopefully gratefully) take care of my sick Hannah.

A Testimony

Hey, if anyone is interested, our pastor talked about the December shootings at a church in Texas this weekend. It's pretty powerful, what God has done in that horrible situation.

Faith

I've been meditating on the idea of faith lately...

The first event that brought this to my mind was the wedding Friday night. I was struck by the idea that people who marry each other do so without having any idea what they're promising. This couple in particular KNOWS certain parts of their life together may be hard. But, there are other parts that become hard in the course of life, and no one can see them coming. Watching them eagerly promise to try to out-serve one another for the rest of their lives was so striking to me. Do they have any idea what they're getting themselves into? No, and that's the best part about it!

While it's temping for some to call this naiveté, Jesus called it childlike faith - the kind that doesn't understand it all, but follows anyway. Marriage can only be done (if you really promise the rest of your life and intend to keep your promise) by faith.

Event number two is the current situation with my brother. If I may be very honest for a moment, my family is currently trying to help my brother out of a lifestyle of alcoholism, bitterness and anger. It is extremely painful. We love him! We want him to be happy and healthy. But people can always hurt most the people that love them the most. And he has. As I put my little girls to bed tonight, I can't help but look at their innocent faces and wonder... Could they someday reject Nick and I? Will they always love singing worship songs with open hearts and dancing? My brother is an angry man now, but once he was a cuddly, playful, fun little boy.

The only answer I have for this is faith - by faith we live each day, believing that God will work His purposes in the earth and that He will give us the strength for whatever life may bring. 1 Tim 1:4 says God's work is by faith. That means it is not by effort, as if I could be a perfect mom and therefore prevent my children from rebelling someday. It is not by fear, as if we should just not have children because they may hurt us one day. Nor is it by pride, saying "my children would never do something like that." The fact is, they could, just like all of us are free to make stupid decisions. Faith is the only answer. We do what we can and believe God for the outcome and the strength.

From an essay by C.S. Lewis called Religion: Reality or Substitute?:

"If we wish to be rational, not now and then, but constantly, we must pray for the gift of Faith, for the power to go on believing not in the teeth of reason but in the teeth of lust and terror and jealousy and boredom and indifference that which reason, authority, or experience, or all three, have once delivered to us for truth. And the answer to that prayer will, perhaps, surprise us when it comes. For I am not sure, after all, whether one of the causes of our weak faith is not a secret wish that our faith should NOT be very strong. Is there some reservation in our minds? Some fear of what it might be like if our religion became QUITE real? I hope not. God help us all, and forgive us."

Question Authority

Kim has written yet another very insightful post. Some of the reading I have been doing lately has pointed to the value of being under authority, and I'm been meditating on that. We have many authority figures in our lives, and being under their authority brings certain protection in each case. For example, submitting to police officers (the law) brings physical safety as we don't drive too fast. This first one is usually not too hard for people to swallow. In addition (and maybe harder), submitting to the pastor and elders of your church as your spiritual authority brings protection spiritually (and keeps you from doing stupid things!). Submitting to your husband as the head of your home brings personal protection - protection from having ungodly attitudes, from mean people, from having to carry the burden of a role that is not ours to carry as women.

God doesn't ask us to mindlessly, brainlessly, and without question follow every word of those in authority. In fact Paul asked the churches to examine every word they were taught and make sure it lines up with Scripture. We as wives have input that our husbands desperately need, if they are to become all that God has for them (they also have similar input for us!). We see things they don't see sometimes. But questioning authority must always be done with respect and honor for the position of the one in authority.

Alright. I'm done with the soapbox for today. Would anyone else like to borrow it?

Honoring Our Children

I've been reading John Bevere's book Honor's Reward this week. Incidentally, Liz T and I were at the filming of one of John's curriculum DVDs for this book. That was pretty cool. I feel like I always say this, but seriously, this message could change your life.

He sets up from Scripture the fact that we are commanded by God to honor those in authority over us, those who are our peers, and those who are under our authority. Then, he spends the rest of the book explaining how to walk that out and telling incredible stories about how God has blessed him, his family, and those he knows that practice this principle.

If you've never read a John Bevere book, it's somewhat like a spiritual journey. The thing about this book that struck me was how pervasive dishonor is in our culture. We're taught to dishonor parents, teachers, political figures, doctors, our children, old people, young people, people who mess up, people who seem too "clean." The list goes on and on. John, in his straightforward way, explains how that goes against what God has asked us to do as Christians and therefore we miss the good life that comes when we live life the way our creator told us best works. (Sorry - hope you can follow that sentence.)

It's a simple concept, really, when you honor somebody they do everything they can for you. So does God, because when you honor people, you're really honoring God. You can't do it in a phony way, because people see right through that, but if you can really honor people from your heart, you recieve blessings. It's a spiritual principle.

Onto honoring our children.... I've been thinking about this. Humans have immortal spirits - they will never die. They will live forever either in Heaven or Hell. So, we all are, in a sense, ageless. Our children are placed by God under our authority to be trained and encouraged as they grow, but their spirits are just a valuable when they are 2 as when they are 45. Therefore, they are worthy of the same respect we would pay a peer. That doesn't mean we are released from our responsibility to them - to care for their needs, to train them in the way they should go, to give them the love and affection they need. I think it clarifies that responsibility all the more! However, we as moms know (and have probably dished out) discipline that honors and discipline that dishonors our children.

I am more convinced than I've ever been that there is no excuse whatsoever for demeaning our children. I've just been through three or four days of constant temper tantrums with Hannah. They were hard. But after understanding this message, and because of the fear of God that is in my heart, I will never treat my children in a dishonoring way again. And if I do, I will ask their forgiveness and God's forgiveness.

Thinking through all of this, I have realized some hard feelings I had toward Hannah that I never realized before. I have put expectations on her that were unfair, and then been upset when she did not fulfill them. I had a long talk with God about this, and my feelings toward her are different right now, today, than I think they've ever been. God can change our hearts - we are only good at putting on fascades that don't hold up under pressure.

This is still new and taking hold in my heart, but I feel like it is lifechanging. I highly recommend you get the book, and begin praying (as I am) for a heart that honors people.

Who I Am In Christ

Years ago, they handed this out at church. I have hung onto it, and I thought I'd share it. Actually, what I do with this is put it inside a big ziplock bag and stick it to the wall of my shower. Then I read it every day.

Sometimes I can't get all the way through it because I become so overwhelmed with the difference between what Christ made me with His death, and what I actually live out. I force myself to finish it anyway. This is truth that will transform us.

This is not an end in itself, it is only the beginning. If we understand that our insecurities and sin have no control over us anymore because of Christ, we are then free to live for the good of others, like Kim's post that I linked to earlier. Insecurity and emotional pain are (usually) a result of forgetting who we are and wallowing in our own sin nature and selfishness. I'm preaching to myself here!

Let's quit that.

Focus

Preach it, Kim!

Secret Service

Glenn Packiam just started a new blog, which promises to be a great read. His second post is about the value of serving in secret, and I can't think of a more encouraging thing for stay-at-home moms to read.

I find it odd that when we encourage high school and college kids to find their purpose in life, that nothing is ever said about raising Godly families. What if we are called first not to the jungles of Africa, or the worship service stage, but to perform thousands of tiny unseen things that will help the next generation ultimately make decisions for Christ - creating an environment in our home that will facilitate our children knowing and loving God? THEN we can also go accomplish the other things our heart is drawn toward, either after our children are grown or while maintaining that environment at home.

God is cool

My friend Thea has such a cool story to tell that I asked her if I could share it. For the past several months, she's been dealing with a posterior placenta previa in her second pregnancy. If you don't understand previa, here's a place to read about it. She was scheduled for her second c-section next week. (And if you know anything about c-sections, each one you have makes it less and less likely that you will ever safely have a regular birth. The scar tissue can also cause miscarriages and all kind of stuff. There are people who have regular births after two, but it's not common and considered rather dangerous.) But, God worked a miracle here. This is her story:


"They agreed to do the final ultrasound today to see where things were in relation to the previa since I had been so adamant about checking at the last minute. Everyone was pretty certain nothing would have changed because it is nearly impossible for the posterior part of a uterus to grow enough in 2 weeks to give us the clearance we needed. Still, the doctor was kind and allowed the final ultrasound for my peace of mind.

The sonographer said the baby's head was too low for her to see the placenta and she kept saying "where is it?" "I don't see anything" so she finally got measurements and had to manually push the baby's head up and the placenta hadn't moved the 2.1 centimeters I had been praying for but the measurements show closer to 2.5-3 centimeters of movement which is beyond possible considering the max growth generally allows for a movement of .3cm per week. She kept measuring and measuring and brought the dr in and he didn't believe her, saying "What? That's impossible for it to move that much in 2 weeks..." and lo and behold...he saw the measurements for himself and cancelled the surgery. I told them it must be prayer since there's no other explanation - they went back and checked the older ultrasounds and sure enough it had moved - every medical study I can find and that I am aware of shows that at this point and later in pregnancy a posterior previa (what I have had) does not move...I cannot tell you how excited and relieved I was to leave scheduling an appointment for next week but cancelling a surgery. :) We have gone from a life-threatening situation worrying about hemmorhage every day and the concerns of a baby that may need time in the NICU to a healthy pregnancy with everything looking perfect...what an awesome God we serve :)

I am elated and now...praying for a safe and timely delivery of our little girl :)"

Good for the soul

These people just completed an international adoption of two boys from Africa. It's not their first adoption, but I am loving watching the process. What a gift to a child who needs love! I have never been particularly drawn to adoption, to be honest, but this kind of story makes me think about it for the first time.

My Answers

I know this is an intense subject for this blog. The silence is deafening... Fairly soon I will return you to your regularly scheduled program. This subject is so close to my heart right now that I feel I have no choice but to be part of this conversation.

This is a comment I left on Marianne's blog today:
I hope we can come to some conclusions through this discussion. I do think it's best though, if I admit that these things are still VERY hard for me to talk about. While it is easy for those of you who are far removed from the situation to theorize and question and even make some judgements, this is our everyday life still.

Every week I walk down the halls at my church and try not to imagine what happened there. Every week I sit in services and am grateful for the extra, visible security that is there for the time being.

They interviewed the parents of the Works girls who died, and the mother told the grisly story of getting in the car, the father heard popping and turned around to see his 16 year old dead on the ground. That instant, he was also hit. The mother turned in her seat to see their 18 year old in the backseat with blood gushing from her nose. She was gone by the time the mother reached her.

There are real live people who are still living with the reality of this event. It is horrific. Up till now, the way I am dealing with it is to mostly push it from my mind and trust that God will answer the questions with time. So...although I look forward to participating in this conversation, please, please everyone...be sensitive. This is not just a philosophical discussion for me. This is my reality.

-------------------------------

This is likely to be a very long post, even for me. I apologize. Please take this post in the tone it is intended. I am pleading and persuading, not attacking or being defensive (as much as possible, see my disclaimer above. :). I would much rather have this conversation over tea at my dining room table, but the distance prevents that for the time being.

First, I would like to take on the issue of whether the Works girls were martyrs. Honestly, this discussion seems almost petty to me. Who are we to judge that? They died through no fault of their own, and their family now has to live out the rest of their days on earth without them. The topic seems almost too sacred to me to talk about. But, I do have a couple of things to say.

If the same thing had happened in a country without religious freedom, and some terrorist had shot up a church, we would not have questioned their martyrdom. Why then, would we question the Works'? Yes, we in theory have freedom to worship here as we feel led. But, the reality is when you attend a high profile church like ours, you do not feel safe anyway. Long before this happened, many people in my family have admitted to thinking, "What if someone walked in here right now with a gun?" There is hatred and wickedness in the world, like Marianne said. It IS an act of bravery and faith to attend our church, especially after all we've been through. We're safer than some others, but the principle is the same.

Second, (this is the most passionate one. Please forgive me for my intensity) I feel that there is a tendency even among fellow Christians, but especially in the world, to have an attitude as if somehow we are responsible for the evil someone intends for us. Like maybe it was our fault because we "judged" our pastor for having a homosexual affair so we deserved to be shot at. I know you're not saying that Marianne, but many have. You did say something along the lines of Matthew Murray acting that way because of the lack of love he was shown. He wasn't shown any lack of love. His mother and father loved him every way they knew how. YWAM tried repeatedly to love and accept him and help him. He made his own decisions. He refused any help. I don't think we should give up on anyone, but we can't force people to make right decisions and live righteous lives no matter how hard we try.

We have to come to grips with the fact that sometimes people make decisions that are evil. Many people want to believe that people are basically good because then they don't have to deal with the sin in their own hearts, but people are not good, they're inherently evil apart from God. God is not willing that any should perish, but He also has given us free will. If God's wooing someone doesn't draw them because they have decided to rebel against everything that is good, what good does it do for a church to allow themselves to be shot to pieces because of someone's rebellion? I am most certainly not excusing us as Christians from loving people. My point is, what do you do when you love someone and they still hate you? It wasn't our fault, or the fault of Christians as a whole that he decided to shoot our church. There is a point where if we are to continue to minister to others who may still make decisions for Christ, that we protect ourselves. If someone continually tore you down, insulted you, and generally made life miserable, you wouldn't continue to subject yourself to that (unless you were specifically led to do that). You have your children to raise, and millions of other reasons that you need to be healthy and strong emotionally. Turn the other cheek is one verse in the context of the entire Bible. We can't build our entire theology around one verse. My God didn't ask all the parents with little children who were in that hallway that day to stand and talk to that gunman while he killed their children. That would be an absurd thing for a parent to do, would it not?

Third, I think we have to be very careful when we watch movies like Gandhi. They are produced by people with an agenda - to make you believe that Gandhi was some sort of savior. I don't deny that good things may have come from his peaceful protest, but Gandhi and Christ are two very different people. Repeatedly in the Gospels, we see Jesus slipping away from the Pharisees because it wasn't His time to go yet. He did not present himself to be crucified. In fact, He begged God for another way, to the point of sweating blood, right up until the end. I believe his reprimand to the disciples for cutting off the soldier's ear was not about violence (God had ordered people to kill even women and children, hundred of thousands of them - it's the same God here), but about them not understanding the fulfillment of prophesy and final submission to God's plan. Maybe if they had been awake praying with Him like He wanted, they would have understood?

Fourth, like many theological issues (and like a comment left on Marianne's site), I believe the answer to this topic of violence vs. pacifism is that both are taught. That makes no sense in our understanding, but there are verses to defend each. And I believe that the Holy Spirit will guide us in which response to have when we are communicating with Him and listening to His voice.

Finally, what if this happened 5 times? 10 times? All over the nation, like Marianne said? How do we decide as Christians how to handle that? Well, we're not there yet, thank God. The world our children will live in may get to that point. If there is still constitutional religious freedom at that point, I would guess the government would attempt to provide all religious organizations (not just Christian ones) with protection, because that's the kind of thing the government tends to do. If there isn't constitutional freedom any longer, I would guess the church would go underground and have no ability whatsoever to protect themselves, even if they wanted to. We would have many, many martyrs, like they do in other countries. I pray that never happens here, but it may someday before Jesus comes back. We are in the in-between time.

So, my conclusion is we have to listen to the Holy Spirit guiding us and make the best decisions we know how to make. And I think we need to be really careful about making judgements about the decisions church leaders make about these things. If you disagree with one you may choose not to attend there, but even making jokes about the Lord's anointed is a serious thing (2 Kings 2:23). This is the reason Nick and I continued to stand behind Richard and Lindsay Roberts at ORU until things were decided, even when there were rumors of financial indiscretion. But that's another post.

Whew. That's about all of this I can handle for today.

Just War Part 2

I want to finish my train of thought here...even though Marianne further explained that it was not so much pacifism she was asking about, but what the individual Christian's response should be to persecution. I'll have to write a seperate post about that. I do, however, also feel the two are linked in some ways because of her question about our pastor having a bodyguard. I feel this train of thought will address that question.

So...

Here's the second principle we find in Scripture regarding authority.



2. Those who are in authority are charged by God to protect those under their authority.



Romans 13:4 "for it [the God-instituted authority] is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil." (emphasis mine)



Proverbs 14:28 "In a multitude of people is a king's glory, But in the death of people is a prince's ruin."



Proverbs 20:26 "A wise king winnows the wicked, And drives the threshing wheel over them."

More to come...

Further thoughts

Marianne posted a blog today that was incredibly hard for me to read. In fact, I must admit to physically shaking after having read it. However, I really appreciate the spirit with which she wrote it - not as an attack on New Life, but with genuine questions that demand answers if we are to live out our faith in this current day.

First, a couple of thoughts. I feel that it is impossible to process a traumatic event the same way if you are connected to it, as you would being far removed from it. Therefore, even if Marianne and I both had perfect theology (wouldn't that be nice, Marianne? :), we could still come up with totally different answers and feelings. I'm not sure she would have said some of the things she did if she had been here, but my perspective is probably also somewhat skewed by the fact that I am here.

Second, I feel that there has been a ton of pacifist information out there among people of our age group, and that the concept of just war has not been accurately portrayed or defended using Scripture. As an aside, I don't know what to think of the war our country is currently engaged in. But I will submit to my governing authority (whoever that happens to be), and support them in the decisions God has them make. (Prov 21:1 "The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.") There is a place for serving God rather than man, when man tries to prevent us from serving God, but I do not see that happening in our country right now. Therefore, I feel we should support our president.

I immediately needed to study this subject in depth, because I would have no peace until I did. I am asking God for guidance as I do it, especially because it's easy to believe something from personal experience and then look for Scripture to back up one's beliefs. I didn't want to do that. So, here are my thoughts, with the Scriptures I found.

1. God sets authority in place, no matter what their beliefs. This means if Hillary Clinton is elected president, I will submit to her authority, even though I personally disagree with her beliefs.

If she was in authority, her heart would be in the hand of God, as she would be our "king." Therefore the decisions she would make would ultimately bring glory to God because He would direct her. Pharoah and the plagues of Egypt come to mind. God demonstrated his power to the Egyptians by hardening Pharoah's heart. (well, first Pharoah hardened his own heart, and then God began doing it after Pharoah had made his decision, see Exodus 8-9)

Romans 13:1-4 (NAS, because it is a very literal translation)

1Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.
2Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves.
3For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same;
4for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil.

I'm going to do this in several installments so I do not neglect my children in the meantime. :) What I'm doing with the next couple of posts is establishing the groundwork for my position. I'll come around to the point later. Please discuss, but because this is an especially intense subject, stay on subject - if you disagree, please attack logic not people. I won't post anything mean-spirited.

Let's work out the answers to these things together!

So...

I'm not sure what to say. My desire to blog has been completely gone these past couple of days. The story that has unfolded reminds me of a made-for-tv horror plot with a surprise "God" ending.

There was a young man who had been raised by Christian parents and homeschooled. He had always been a little different..couldn't quite fit in. At 19, he enrolled in a YWAM discipleship training school. He was asked to leave before he completed the 10 month program for, among other things, playing Marilyn Manson songs on talent night. He was unable to constructively express his embarrassment and hurt over that, and in the next 5 years he began hating Christians. He started reading things like the manifesto written by the Columbine killers. Their words echoed in his head to the point that he could recite them. He began entertaining thoughts of killing some of these Christians, for who he could never seem to be good enough. He was able to buy guns because he had no prior record. He knew, deep down, that his parents loved him and he had no desire to hurt them personally. Instead, he returned to YWAM. He shot a few people there and went home. Then he went online to talk about how much he hated Christians, meanwhile hatching a plan to create abject terror at a church he visited once with his parents - New Life. He hated them especially for what happened to their pastor a year ago. Who did they think they were?

He arrived at New Life right after the late service, when the campus was full of people. He dropped smoke bombs at the main exits so everyone would be afraid to go through them, and then went in the far back door to corner people in the almost-full building. After shooting five more people with an automatic rifle, he was taken down with a single handgun by a female undercover security guard who had been fired from a police force 10 years ago for lying under investigation. She had just finished three days of fasting and praying for guidance and was in constant communication with God during the event. He guided her. It could have been a complete massacre.

I have pieced this story together from the many, many reports I have heard and read over the past few days. Some of it was from reading between the lines, and is not necessarily fact. This version of the story keeps playing over and over in my head. There are so many questions...

-God's power and protection is so evident in the whole event. Why did He not keep the two girls from dying? He obviously could have.
-Matthew Murray's parents did everything right - everything they knew to do. What went wrong? Why is there no formula to raise Godly children?
-Could there be a demonic element to this kind of behavior?
-In spite of SO many reaching out to Murray, he refused and rejected all help. Why? What caused his heart to be so hard? How could one man's hatred run so deep?
-What plan does God have for the hero, Jeanne Assam? I'd say somewhere in here is the direction she was praying for. You can't miss it!
-How can we as Christians, help hearts to be mended when they've been broken by us? SO much is expected from Christians, and we're just people. We do stupid, insensitive stuff in spite of how much we don't want to.
-How do Jesus' predictions of persecution of Christians interpret these events? By definition, those girls were martyrs - killed for their beliefs.
-Where is the line between not allowing ourselves to be controlled by fear, and being wise about the world we live in? Starting house churches to avoid public churches would probably be giving in to fear, but I can't say it hasn't crossed my mind and been suggested by other people.
-How long is it okay to mourn, and when is it time to move on? I do not want to wallow in grief, neither do I want to short-circuit the grieving process or sound stupidly over-spiritual.

and maybe most of all...

-What in the world does God have in store for New Life? Have we been under some sort of satanic attack? If so, why? What is satan so afraid of? We should have been down, off the radar a year ago. How will God use this for good, because He promises He will?

No wonder I can't sleep tonight. I suppose many of those questions will be answered, but only with time.

In spite of the tone of this blog, I'm actually doing okay. I'm sad, for sure. But I'm also immensely grateful to God and to Jeanne Assam, for seeking God and therefore being where she was supposed to be. Our church is having to suffer for a man's sin yet again, but one woman's righteousness protected us from the full impact.

Here's my plea: seek God with your whole heart. He promises you'll find Him when you do that. We need Him to heal our land. HIS people have to seek Him, and then He promises He will heal. Righteousness acts as a shield. We may never know what our faithfulness to God guards against, both in our lives and in the lives of others we don't even know. Never give up.

Happy Thanksgiving

It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged, as with one heart and one voice, by the whole American people.

I do therefore invite my fellow-citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next as a day of thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens.

And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners, or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore if, as soon as may be consistent with the divine purpose, to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity, and union.

Abraham Lincoln, 1863