Contentment and Fairness

As parents, one of the pressures we often feel is to make everything "fair." I loved this post this morning. If I treated my two children exactly the same, one of them would run the household and the other would wilt under the pressure. It would never work...

Whew

Found this link somewhere, for a commercial being run in Germany to encourage people to have more kids. Currently, the number of children people are having there is not enough to replace the Germans who die. The only thing keeping the population from going down there is immigration. Some info here and here. Population decline is even responsible for economic problems in some countries. I think it's weird that people have become so concerned about overpopulation. Um, God told us to multiply...if the earth couldn't handle it, don't ya think He would have thought of that?

Sad Day

Nick and I saw the headlines about the Chapman's daughter late last night. Ugh. What a horrible, horrible thing. That kind of thing is the worst fear of every parent. It sure makes everything else seem trivial. As awful as it is, I'm far enough removed from it to already see that God can do some incredible things through it. But wow. It reminds me how powerless we really are as parents. I must daily release mine to God's grace and mercy in order to have peace.

Too many words seem inappropriate. I'm off to (hopefully gratefully) take care of my sick Hannah.

Your Mothering Style

Some days, (yesterday, as an example) my own expectations for myself completely overwhelm me and make for a miserable day for me and the kids.

I was thinking about this, this morning. I am one of the few people I know who actually thinks their parents did a pretty great job raising them. Of course they had faults, but they did a great job. The issue arises from the fact that my personality type is completely opposite of my mother's. So, I think she did a great job, but because our personalities are so different, there's no way I will ever run my household exactly the same way. I would go nuts. But that is still the ideal in my mind. Anybody else deal with this?

I've had kids for three years (very short, but it feels long), and I still don't know what I want my household to look like day-to-day.

Organized? Spontaneous? Structured? Free-flowing? Outside work? No outside work? Tone? Schedule? Housekeeping style?

Some days I think I have this figured out, and then on others I question it all...

85%

This is information that, to me, demands action. I have a three year old. I know this is correct - maybe even generous to the parents some days. I will be thinking on this one...

Giving a blessing

Following up on my post about honoring our children, this Focus on the Family broadcast is excellent!

Nick and I were talking last night following an appt with Dr P. Dr P wants me to teach Nick how to do more things around the house to take some more stress off of me. Nick really wants to help, but he has some concerns. It will take some time for us to work out what this means for us. He already helps, especially with the girls, a whole lot.

In the midst of that conversation, I said something that surprised me. I told Nick, “I like my work. I don’t want you to do it all, even if you could.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, an internal dialogue started. I like my work? Doing dishes, laundry, picking up toys, feeding small children? I like vacuuming, dusting, continually wiping down tables and counters? I never used to like those things.

During my Dr P appointment last night, we were talking about what it takes to be an adult, the incredible amount of things that are required of us, including sometimes giving up things we love for the good of our family. He talked about how what is required of us goes far beyond our own ability to sacrifice, and into the territory where God must give us the strength to do it. He made a remark about what I’d given up to be a mom (meaning worship ministry). I gotta say, though it feels wrong in some ways, it also felt so good to have someone acknowledge that. I miss worship ministry. I miss it deeply. I don’t yet understand the direction of my life, because I felt certain that God had led me there, and then just as easily led me away. I am doing the right thing being home with my children, but it still hurts sometimes…oftentimes…

But I like my work? I am finding there is a satisfaction that comes when you faithfully do what God has asked of you, whether the task itself brings deep joy or not. The task of worship leading brings me joy. Dishes do not. But the fact that I faithfully do the dishes because it is part of what God has asked of me, does bring me some joy. I never realized that before. Helping my children get dressed and making things for them to eat is satisfying to me. Since when? I have no idea.

I do get tired. I do get disappointed. I do need help and breaks and most importantly God. But, I like my work. Amazing.

Focus

Preach it, Kim!

Book Review (you gotta have this one)

I've been reading Focus on the Family's Complete book of Baby and Child Care. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, and buy this book. Right now.

Heh.

OK, maybe not. But it's so good!

Someone sent me a copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" while I was pregnant with Hannah. About two chapters in, panic was rising, and I put it down and picked it up again only out of desire for more punishment. As far as I can tell, those books (the children's ones too - which other people gave me) go something like this: "You have a headache. It could be this rare liver disorder and you'll be dead in two weeks, along with your baby. ...Or, maybe you need to drink some water. You better call your doctor." They are SO fear based!

Maybe that's why this book is so refreshing to me. It addresses physical, disciplinary, spiritual, and relational issues all in one place, for pre-birth through preteen. They can't afford to be as thorough as you might like because it's just one book rather than a series, but it sure answered lots of my questions. It also cross-references things, like if you're reading about disciplinary problems, it might refer you to a section about health/nutrition/sleep to help you figure out what needs to be done for your child. There is also lots of encouragement for weary parents.

Highly recommended. And actually, Hannah and I have had a much better week this week because of some things I've been missing that this book reminded me of. I'm weaning Audrey, so she's just cranky, but that's another story. :)

Secret Service

Glenn Packiam just started a new blog, which promises to be a great read. His second post is about the value of serving in secret, and I can't think of a more encouraging thing for stay-at-home moms to read.

I find it odd that when we encourage high school and college kids to find their purpose in life, that nothing is ever said about raising Godly families. What if we are called first not to the jungles of Africa, or the worship service stage, but to perform thousands of tiny unseen things that will help the next generation ultimately make decisions for Christ - creating an environment in our home that will facilitate our children knowing and loving God? THEN we can also go accomplish the other things our heart is drawn toward, either after our children are grown or while maintaining that environment at home.

My Challenge

The longer I have children, the less judgemental I become. I think as I have more children I will become even less judgemental than I am now. No two kids are alike, it really is true. When I set out to have a family, I had all these ideals, all these plans for my family. We would eat right and be healthy. I would discipline them so they would mind. I would never put my kids before my marriage. My kids would love each other and be kind to each other. I still believe those things, but they don't necessarily happen the way I thought. They require daily thought, daily work. They do not happen on their own, in spite of how deeply I believe in them.

In addition, I have found that life wasn't what I thought it would be. There is no formula for a carefree life. You can do everything right and still have problems. I believe that many of the health issues that Hannah has are a result of the trauma that surrounded her birth. Her tiny body was subjected to intense stress in the 2 weeks before and 5 weeks after her birth. I did everything right during that pregnancy - everything I had control over. But I couldn't control all of it, and none of us can.

I have a feeling that most mothers will be confronted with at least one big challenge while raising their children - at least one thing that will require everything they have (and really, much more than they have.) The one I currently have is Hannah's health. Just the gluten issue alone is a challenge. I head up a support forum for gluten intolerance, and often people will join it and write panicked, breathless posts about how they cannot see any way they will feed their children like this for the rest of their lives. I remember having that feeling as I researched gluten, and slowly realized what it meant. However, my daughter - who could very easily have been diagnosed with some terrible syndrome otherwise - is NORMAL, happy, smart and very very sweet. Gluten is like being on drugs for her though. She would have been a totally different human being apart from a gluten free diet. To me, this is reason to celebrate. We know how to be well!

My brother watches Montel so he can laugh at it, and he had this guest on who had a child labeled as handicapped. They put the child on a gluten free diet, and there was 100% improvement. I am forever grateful that we caught this early with Hannah, that she is able to develop normally, and not suffer needlessly.

Even more is asked of me though, because Hannah's stomach is continuing to have problems, even with no gluten, yeast, dairy, egg, soy, or sugar. Here's where the judgementalism comes in. I remember seeing mothers, back before I had kids, who would not allow their children to eat ANYTHING. I remember thinking they were nuts. That they were going way overboard. Life has a way of bringing those kinds of thoughts full-circle. I have had to become that mother, by no choice of my own. I have been entrusted with this child who desperately needs my protection, my guidance, so that she can live a full life in health rather than in sickness.

During this time in her life, that requires that I be very protective of what Hannah eats. This is HARD - even for me! I fed Hannah absolutely nothing that could possibly hurt her stomach yesterday. I know she's a little bothered by beans, tomatoes, and any large amounts of carbs, in addition to the things Dr P found. She may need to eat only turkey deli meat (all natural, of course), brown rice crackers, herbal tea, avocado, blueberries, oranges and natural all-beef hot dogs, for a while. Hopefully we can add in more things once we figure out what in the world is bothering her so much. She tells me several times a day, every day, that her stomach hurts "real bad." She's never been...ahem...regular...in her life. I cannot expect her to potty-train easily if she's hurting that much.

I got very discouraged about all of this just yesterday. And yet I feel honored to be trusted with it. "To whom much is given, much is required."

What do you guys think? Do you have similar challenges?

Amazed

I am amazed to report that Audrey slept from 9pm to 8:30 am last night! This, after only one night of letting her cry. Incredible. Now I just have to sleep train myself again, since I tossed and turned most of the night, first anticipating her waking up and crying for two hours again, and then playing the "Is she okay? Yes, she's fine!" game in my head. :)

Somebody tell my kids it's naptime now?

I'm waiting for the girls to finally give up and go to bed. Hannah slept 12 hours last night, she might not be tired. Audrey slept about 6...and so did I.

We took the girls to Dr P last night for the first time. Going to a first appointment with him is somewhat of an investment, so we haven't been able to do it before now. He tested them for food allergies, which was fascinating to me. I knew we were missing a couple of things that just weren't working with their bodies. Hannah can't do gluten, yeast, eggs (she's just not a bread person!), dairy, peanuts or cashews. Audrey can't do corn, soy, dairy or egg. The yeast and the egg issues are new to me, although they make perfect sense, because food intolerances tend to run in families.

The biggest thing that came from the visit though, was he told us that we HAVE to get Audrey to sleep through the night. The girl has been waking up to eat once or twice a night since she was born. She'll be 17 months this week. We're tired. The thing is, she and Hannah share a room, and it always has seemed easier to just go get Audrey, feed her and put her right back to bed instead of listen to her scream (and then listen to Hannah scream AT her.) According to Dr P though, it's not that simple. He says people get fibromyalgia and chronic fatique from not sleeping through the night. He says babies ought to be sleeping through the night by 8 weeks! Hannah was, but I just chalked that up to different personalities.

Anyway, all that to say, last night we put Hannah in a pack'n'play in the living room for the night, and let Audrey cry herself back to sleep when she woke up. Not very fun. She only cried on and off for about 2 hours total, and she never really got THAT upset, but it was hard anyway. I cried a little too. Dr P says training kids to sleep takes 3 nights if nothing else is bothering their system (food allergies, etc.) and then they will do it. So, we'll try it. I typically need 9 hours of sleep per night in order to be functional, and I still feel tired, but maybe that's because I haven't slept all night since before Audrey was born? :) Audrey seemed fine this morning, giving hugs and playing happily with Hannah. I'm always afraid my kids will feel like I abandoned them with this kind of thing...but she was fine. I was the wreck. But maybe we'll sleep soon?

What are your sleep experiences with kids?

It really is that simple

With all the different parenting opinions that you hear, read, and are told, it's really hard sometimes to discern what's actually important when raising kids. That's one reason I like to read the blogs of mothers of lotsa kids. The writer of this blog has 14 children. Maybe that's how she manages to boil successful Christian parenting down to 4 simple, yet profound elements. In any case, women who can manage their large families and maintain a sense of peace and order in their hearts are worthy of being emulated.

What a night...

Here's a story for you.

Child decides that instead of eating her very good dinner, she will go hungry.
Mother repeatedly offers child her dinner when she asks for fruit, cookies, cake, crackers and anything else she can think of.
The dinner is summarily refused.
Child goes to bed hungry, with Mother feeling somewhat guilty but justified.
Baby gets up to nurse...at 1am and at 3am.
(Baby still will not eat more than half a jar of solid food at a time.)
Child proceeds to cry mommy, mommy, mommy for about three hours starting at about 3:30am.
When half asleep Mother goes to check on her (4 or 5 times), Child asks for a hot dog.
Mother has no hot dogs, nor anything else she would like to offer at 4am.
Child eventually gives up, but not before wiping out Mother.
(Mother may or may not have covered her head with a pillow once Father got up.)
Mother cancels morning activities that were important, because she cannot get out of bed on 4 hours sleep.
Baby proceeds to cry Mommy, mommy, mommy for about 30 minutes before Mother drags herself out of bed for the morning.

So, how's your day going?