I keep promising to be quiet...

But, why? Why, I ask you?

We Interrupt This Break....

I some ways, I've been glad for the timing of my break. It means I don't have to comment on Ted if I don't want to. :) But, an old Myspace friend tracked me down on Facebook this morning and asked me what I thought. I figured since I already formulated my thoughts for a reply, I'd post it here while I'm at it. So, here ya go:

I have not watched most of the publicity about Ted. Our local paper and news has had lots of stuff in the past week or so, and I've kind of half-heartedly skimmed it, wanting to be informed about what's going on at least.

What I think about all of it is summed up very well with this blog, written by a New-Lifer, and Ted's former editor. The college pastor posted it on his blog. New Life made the best decisions they could in a terrible situation. Ted's family has suffered a lot because of his sin. It's been a painful process, and I wish it hadn't all come up again. But New Life is strong, and our new pastor has provided excellent leadership and example. Pretty much everyone I know wishes the Haggards the best, but wants them to stay out of the public eye and get well. It may be money motivated - no one will hire Ted, so they may feel the need to sell their story in order to survive, which is said totally compassionately. That's a bad idea to me, to think you could profit from your sin, but it could be their reality.

Ultimately this too shall pass, and I hope that more and more Ted's actions will be seen as his actions alone, and not related to New Life any longer. No matter the actions of men, God has been and continues to be faithful to us!

So there ya go. We now return you to your regularly scheduled break. :)

I'm not really writing...it's your imagination

This totally made me laugh.

Time for a break

I'm withdrawing from the internet (mostly!) for a while. I will check email, so comment or email if you need to reach me! Ta-ta!

Bibical Descriptions of Women

I love the format of the studies this blogger does. Simple, easy to study...

Disinfecting

Good time of year for an article like this!

Um...

Weekly Update

1. Last night we got home and Nick was tired and yawning a lot. He started doing it really loudly and obnoxiously at one point, and Audrey said, "Daddy's being Karzan." (Her pronunciation for Tarzan.) Nick and I laughed like crazy.

2. Sometime this week we pick up the key for Maeve's new office. We had thought we would get an office in my dad's space, but he wound up needed all of his. Instead, we tracked down another suite to sublease in. The guy that is actually on the lease is a Dave Ramsey ELP for budget counseling. So, you can get your wedding gown made and figure out your finances all in one stop. Kidding...sort of! :)

3. It's supposed to be in the 50's here today. This makes me happy.

4. My sister Amy had her 18th birthday party last night, and my parents rented out Skate City. Her friends all came (about 40 of them!) dressed in 80's clothes. It was hysterical. One of her guy friends had bought a neon pink windbreaker track suit that was definitely made for a woman. Wow. I found out that they do a skating class for 2-6 year olds on Friday mornings, 9-10:30. It's $4 per kid. After they attend 10 classes they get a free t-shirt. You just help them get their skates on and then either go run errands or sit in the snack bar area. OK, who's coming to sit and talk with me? :) Sounds like a deal to me and my kids will love it! They actually lock the wheels of the skates for the little kids, so they just walk on their skates and don't fall as much. :)

That's about all I got today. How was your week?

Pics of our gown

Hey guys, go look at Tarah's gown on her photographer's website. It turned out incredible! :)

Wise Mamas

Hey moms - We have launched the mommy blog. Please come join us! (And *ahem* bloggers, we need some new content! :))

Contentment and Fairness

As parents, one of the pressures we often feel is to make everything "fair." I loved this post this morning. If I treated my two children exactly the same, one of them would run the household and the other would wilt under the pressure. It would never work...

On Facebook...

Came across this today. I can't help but fully agree.

Facebook becomes an addiction for me. And I don't think I'm the only one. In just minutes (more minutes than I really have!) you can get a sense of connection with people all over the world! You can see what is going on with people who you would otherwise never heard from again. I have many of the same complaints as that blogger.

-Status updates from people I used to know that deeply upset me
-A sense that I must friend anyone who knows me and asks, whether I feel particularly connected to them or not
-A promise of connection with another human being that is at best shallow, and at worst yet another way for us to feel lonely. We get the sense we're connecting, but it's just enough to make us feel like we connected and not enough to keep away loneliness or deepen relationships.
-I can't say anything serious to anyone without people with hugely differing opinions jumping to offer them. I wouldn't have had that conversation with them - I don't particularly enjoy arguing, believe it or not, and not at all over the internet. :)
-I simply cannot keep up with and be friends with everyone on there. Most people can only have a few good friends, and the others just gradually fade away. It's nothing against them, you may even really like them, but there's only so many hours in the day. I think Facebook creates an artificial pressure in this area, and I personally end up feeling sooo badly about it.

It's cute, entertaining, often funny. But is it worth it? I'm just not sure. I must confess, at times, to leaving it open with the live feed going, and reading every entry. Sick.

Thoughts?

My Secrets

Shelly tagged me for this meme, and since I did something similar on Facebook the other day, I'm more or less copying and pasting. I'm lazy, I know. :) Enjoy!

-I do not have a favorite food or a favorite color, and I feel stupid when people ask what they are, because I don't know/care.

-After going on a missions trip in Europe when I was barely 20, I cultivated a taste for plain sparkling mineral water, because I thought it was unique and classy. I still drink it often, usually with lime.

-I do not play the piano nearly as much as I want to (outside of teaching or leading worship) - sometimes only a couple of times per month.

-I am an expert organic gardener...who has not had a real garden in 5 years. I miss it!

-I Love gadgets. I am an early adapter, for sure.

-I would love to own/work on an organic farm. But I'm afraid I'd get lonely.

-I have never been able to decide if I'm an early bird or a night owl. As long as I get enough sleep, I love late nights AND early mornings!

-I occasionally entertain myself by thinking of new ways to teach some piano concept.

-The number of kids I want to have changes day to day, but I have no idea how we'll decide when we don't want any more.

-In my family, I'm often the one that says what everyone is thinking, but doesn't want to say. (Not that this shocks anyone here!)

-I love doing yoga, and I just ignore the weird spiritual stuff and pray instead. Feels SOOO good!

-I am a very fast, voracious reader, and I often read 5 or 6 books at a time and/or finish an entire book in a day or two.

-I had one child by c-section, and the next at home with a midwife. I would do 10 more homebirths before I would choose even ONE more c-section. I'm serious. No comparison.

-I am horrible about taking pictures, doing baby books, scrapbooking, etc. I like to experience the moment, not document it.

-I love to organize and can look at a pile of stuff and a space, and see exactly where everything will fit and how to do it.

-In spite of that, I still usually have disorganized closets and piles of junk on my kitchen counter.

I tag Christina, Thea, Joanna, Staci, Danielle, and Irene. Come on, it'll be fun. :)

New Look

Hey, for those of you who normally use a reader, come check out the site! My friend Wendy created a new header for me! (We're trading piano lessons for design work. :) I still want to do some sort of background on the blog, but it will have to wait, for now.

If you need any design work, let me know and I'll give you her email!

Nicknames

I was realizing the other day, just how many different nicknames I have for my kids:

Hannah
Hannah-hannah
Hannah kay
Hann
goofball

Audrey
munchkin
bebe, which gets shortened to beeb
lil' one
Au-der-ry (what she calls herself)

Does anyone else do this?

Music Party?

Maybe it's just me, but I think this actually sounds fun...

Flo Paris

Flo is a frequent commenter around here, and she just launched her new music site, complete with some really fun stuff. Check it out!

Weekly Update

1. Snow is falling yet again this morning. It seems to have taken everyone by surprise. There were no cancellations, but we have probably 3-4 inches, and the roads were a nightmare this morning. I'm glad to be in my cozy house.

2. About that cozy house - I had big plans for cleaning this weekend. We didn't do that. It's a disaster. I have students this afternoon. That's all.

3. Making this sausage this morning, minus the sage. It seems to be a hit, even for Audrey, who is being super-picky right now. This is the second recipe I've tried. The first one was too spicy for us, though very flavorful. (Does anybody use that much cayenne pepper? I halved it and it still burned our mouths. Are we wimps?) Oh, I also tried this one, which Nick and I thought was delicious, but the girls wouldn't eat, and it seriously messed with my blood sugar. Anyway, the organic turkey sausage we have been eating every day is now up to $4.59 per 12 ounce box. Ouch. A pound of free-range ground turkey is like $3.50. The difference adds up, for sure. Anyone have a favorite sausage recipe they'd like to share?

4. Maeve, oh, my goodness. Holly and I are excited about some answers to issues that fell into place over the weekend. It's gonna be good...

5. Date night tonight, if the snow clears up. We haven't had one in almost a month. It's time!

6. Contemplating putting Hannah in pre-ballet classes. She is needing something to do/think about. The class I found is on Wednesday mornings, and it's really very cheap. It's for age 2 1/2 to 4 1/2, so technically Audrey could do it too. We're going to try it out this week and see if she likes it.

Well, I better get to working. Have a great day!

Whew

This makes me feel a little better about Maeve. :)

Follow Maeve Bridal on Twitter

Hey, in case anyone is curious, I'm going to be posting Maeve updates on Twitter now...

100%

A comment I received the other day really struck me and I had some further thoughts about it:

When any of us writes or speaks of hope or peace or trust in God, that doesn't mean we necessarily feel it in our emotions 100% of the time. I think it's a miracle that we ever feel it in this world! Even Paul, in Philippians 3, says,

7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

This is what we're called to - forget where we've been, it doesn't matter, and press on to where God wants us to be. Daily. Hourly. Minute-ly. (Ha! Every minute.) But, whether or not we feel something in our emotions, doesn't cease to make it true. If we choose not to believe, we may just lose some of the benefit of something that is true anyway. But that's another post for another day.

We are the children of God, if we have faith in Christ. That means that whether or not we FEEL it, there is a deeper truth that still stands. So, when we have deep peace it's because we are coming to know Christ. When we don't feel that peace, it's not any less true. We just have to hang on to the truth, no matter what we experience.

How many times do we value our experience as more "real" than what the Word says? I don't want to live that way. If God says it's true, it's true. Not that I have been made perfect, but I press on towards this goal. Especially in our generation, I think we're afraid of being seen as "hypocritical" or phony if our emotions vary. Everyone's emotions vary some. It doesn't change the truth, which is the truth, no matter what.

Thoughts?

Completing the work

I was telling Nick last night about how strange our days have been this week with few outside the house plans. Get up, make breakfast, play a little, make lunch, take naps, play a little, make dinner, play a little, go to bed, rinse, repeat. The days seem to fly by with little purpose, little fanfare.

Then I opened my Bible last night, and at the top of the page was Jesus saying this:

"I have glorified You down here on the earth by completing the work that You gave Me to do."
John 17:4

Pretty good reminder of what it is we're supposed to be doing. I have little kids, so I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that currently, the primary work God has given me to do is raising them. We are doing that. They are thriving. We're seeing Hannah developing her gifts of leadership (and...ahem...developing them for her!). Audrey's joy is contagious.

The house isn't spotless, sometimes my kids watch too much tv, sometimes we get colds and are sick for the week, sometimes we don't sleep well and get cranky... But overall, we are learning and growing together as a family. All is well.

Dinner

Making this for dinner. (LOVE that recipe site, btw.) Cheap, quick, Nick loves dark greens, and I...need to eat more of them. :) Now to watch the kiddos figure them out.

Two-faced

Sometimes I feel a bit schizophrenic lately.

Let me explain.

In the past few years I have dealt with lots of anxiety. The kids would get sick and I would hardly sleep, listening for them to cough (or something worse). I would imagine worst-case scenarios late into the night. I would bury myself in Facebook (OK, so I still do that occasionally!). I would call my mom and cry on the phone for two hours.

In the past several weeks, we have had several difficult experiences. Friends in crisis, students quitting at the last minute when we were expecting the money they would pay for the month, a mix-up over our small group, and more. I wish I could go into detail, but I can't really. Suffice it to say, we've been doing the best we know and it hasn't seemed good enough.

I have had days when I cried...a lot. I have had many times when I haven't been kind with the kids. Nick and I have argued over stupid stuff some days. But these things used to throw me into near despair. I wasn't sure things would ever be good again.

By the grace of God, I don't feel that way anymore.

I was reading John 17 yesterday, Jesus' wonderful prayers, and heard God whisper to my heart, "You know this is real, right"? Jesus really came to earth and walked as a man. Then, He really did return to the Father having broken the powers of this earth. There is nothing here that has authority over us any longer.

So...are there painful things here on earth? Definitely. Do they have any impact whatsoever on our eternity (apart from making us more like Christ when we let God do that work)? Nope. Through faith in Christ, we can look forward to the day when things are perfect, when there is no more pain, no more frustration, when things work they way they should. And our relationship with God allows us a glimpse of that day.

It's weird, foreign, strange to me. I have been sad and overwhelmed, but I'm okay. I'm really okay. I'm emotionally weary, but still functional. And I have hope for the future. It's strange to feel such huge opposites simultaneously.

Does anybody have any clue what I'm talking about? :)

Weekly Update

I'm feeling a little cranky this morning. Whew. Spent the better part of the night with one child repeatedly wandering the house (Hannah) and the other coughing and sneezing and sniffling until I was concerned about her (Audrey). She wasn't sick yesterday...

The holidays are really over now. Gotta get back into a "normal" routine.

Blah...blah...do you ever get sick of hearing yourself talk about yourself? I sure am. I think instead of writing this post, I'm gonna go focus on my little kids this morning. What's going on in your world? I'd rather hear about yours than write about mine. :)

In Other News...

Hannah hasn't had an accident in two days! WOO HOO!!!!!!!

Looking Back...

I've had a couple people ask me if I've made resolutions this year. I have to admit, the response I want to give is, "Why? It's not time for that yet"! Um...yes it is. 2008, where did you go?

Because of this feeling, I am wanting to look back before I look forward. I think it might help. So, here it is, my tribute to 2008, in semi-chronological fashion...

January:

Though I have been a Christian my entire life, I realized I was semi mad at God, and had been for quite some time. I read some of Laine's Letters because I saw a link somewhere, and realized that I knew lots ABOUT God, but little OF Him. I have several times in my life, read through the Bible in a year. So I decided I would start it again, but asking Him to show me Himself, all throughout. I began to be amazed at what I found.

I was continually sick - like, every night at about a 7 or 8 out of 10 on a pain scale. My stomach hurt SO bad. I had no energy. I ached all over.

We started meeting with a handful of other couples as a small group. Little did we know they would become our very best friends!

February:

My mom wondered one day if I was allergic to egg. She said it seemed to bother me when I was a kid. I quit eating egg, and felt 70-80 percent better within 2 weeks. Later in the month, I began to feel sick again. Nothing like I had, but the achiness was still there and no energy.

March:

I went to Dr P and was tested for food allergies again. I already knew about dairy, corn and soy, but gluten and yeast came up too. Egg did not, weirdly enough, but I still get sick from it when I eat it. After two weeks off gluten, I knew I had found a HUGE answer to prayer. Healing from gluten is very gradual and really takes two full years, but unless I am miraculously healed, I will never go back to eating gluten. It changed my life.

Dr P also recommended taking 5-HTP and something with L-Thianine in it, because I was not sleeping well. I had symptoms very reminicent of fybromyalgia. With good sleep and a gluten free diet, the pain is gone. (A little sleep training for Audrey was in order as well! One night of two hours of crying, and she slept through the night every night after that!)

(In retrospect, I believe I had post-partum depression for 3+ years, compounded by the seizure I had in February of 2007. The 5-HTP helped the physical symptoms, and cutting myself a break and starting to feel good helped with the mental/emotional symptoms.)

April:

Hannah's 3rd birthday. I can't believe I have a 3 (now almost 4) year old. Aren't I still a 17 year old pretending to be a mommy?

May:

I actually started to feel like myself for the first time in 4 years.

My parents change churches - HARD on me, but something they needed to do.

June:

My 28th birthday, and a wonderful trip to Estes Park with my family. One of the first "real" vacations we've had together. Nick's birthday too...

July:

Fun, warm days outside in our backyard is what I remember most.

August:

Audrey's 2nd birthday, and more fun, warm days.

September:

While dreading another winter like the last two, I suddenly realized it probably wouldn't be that way this year.

October:

Among other things, a music audition that went fantastically for both Nick and me, and somehow changed our perspectives on being frustrated with where we were in life. We began to realize that God's timing was great, and we were happy where we are.

November:

Looking forward to the holidays. Nice Thanksgiving. God is incredible. Money is tight.

December:

We have several friends in personal crisis, and wish we could do more to help.

Money is still tight, but God provides a wonderful, peaceful, meaningful Christmas for us.




So, there it is. I started the year barely functional in comparison. It's interesting to me how the year starts with health stuff, and ends with God. That's not phoney - that's really how it feels to me.

And another thing: God has been faithful this year. When we only look forward to what we can't see yet, it's easy to forget what God has already done.

When I think about what I'd like to accomplish in the next year, only one thing comes to mind: Know God More. "Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you," right? When I am pursuing God with my whole heart, things fall into place because He lets me know His priorities for me. Then, the change comes from the inside out - it's real change - instead of outside forced change like I've tried to make for myself my whole life. As we experience the love of God, our whole world changes. We see ourselves and other people through the eyes of Christ. We still (and will always) have hard days, and often things weigh on me more than they should. But I cannot emphasize enough what God has done in me this year. I've been trying to do it myself for years, and when I finally let go, God has done more in a short time than I have done in my lifetime to this point.

What gets you up in the morning? Is it something fun to look forward to? Is it people? Is it work and feeling valuable? My whole life I have tried to have my reason be those things, and I always got to a point where I did not want to get up. What if we get up in anticipation of hearing from God? Of being in relationship with Him? Of carrying out what He asks of us that day? (You know, wiping noses, changing diapers, doing dishes and laundry - that stuff most of us are caretakers of at this stage in life. :) God is the only One who will never disappoint us. I'm going after Him - please come with me!!