Lately

...I've been logging into Blogger, opening up a new post, and staring a the blank screen with not a clue where to start. Therefore, this post is likely to be even less organized than usual, but at least it's here.

Hannah and Audrey have been taking up a ton of my time lately. They always do, but it seems more true in the past couple weeks. Nick walked around the corner of the kitchen today to find Audrey pulled up on the high chair. I'm not ready for this, I tell ya. I'm already missing my tiny baby. It doesn't last long enough. And yet, I'm also looking very much forward to a new stage of life. About this time with Hannah, I got pregnant again. Therefore, from here on out, we are in uncharted territory in our marriage. It's been three years this summer since I've not been either pregnant, or had a baby under 8 months old.

Hannnah learns new words every five minutes, it seems. She remembers everything. This week she has started saying "stupid!" when she gets frustrated. Who does that? I'm sure I don't know. :) I guess we need to start watching our words a little more around here.

Today we found a house that might work to move into. To make a long story short, if it works out, we will have the 180 Accounting office in the back part of the house. Nick will work from home, we will therefore have some help with the rent, and we will have the yard of our dreams in a location I never would have dreamed we could afford. Please keep us in your prayers. We still need a renter for our townhome before we can move. Thankfully, if we have enough favor with this new landlord, he may be willing to hold the property for us until the warm weather coaxes out people who want to move here.

The warm weather... What a glorious day it was today. This kind of weather is the reason people move to Colorado Springs. We wait all year for it, and then it lasts three months. Every summer makes the long winter worth it though. Somehow. Somehow the sunshine makes every thing better.

A week from Wednesday we're heading down to Phoenix to see my best girlfriend Stephanie graduate from college. Thanks to the fact that we found $78 tickets, all four of us get to go. We haven't had a "real" vacation where we went anywhere but Nebraska since our honeymoon. I can hardly wait. A 2 hour plane ride with the girls will be interesting, but I think if we are prepared enough with food, toys, etc., we should do fine. I haven't seen Steph since Hannah was a baby. We met at Bible school and were inseparable that year. We have managed a long-distance friendship - fairly well, I might add - for nearing 8 years now.

I have realized in the past few weeks that I have a habit. It's now in the process of being broken, but with all the things we've been through in the past couple years, negativity has set in. Have you ever thought about what percentage of your thoughts was negative? Worry, insecurity, discouragement...far too much of my thought time has been spent on these lately. I really do believe that being happy is a decision. I'm not sure it's as much an act of the will as it is a result of the patterns that you choose in your thought life. For example, there are many things to focus on that are negative in life, but no matter how bad things are, there are always good things too. Focusing your energy on those blessings has got to have a different effect than focusing your energy on the hard stuff. This is as far as I have gotten, but I'm determined.

Another week begins tomorrow. I can't believe how short the weekends are. This one will be full of trips to the park, playing in the sandbox that Hannah got for her birthday, a trip to Denver, and lots of sunshine. Alright, time for Nick to put in a couple hours of work before bed.

Reasons I haven't posted lately

1. Audrey is crawling. I have two mobile children. I can't quite believe this. On a slightly related note, I'm about to turn 27. Does this make me a grown-up now?
2. Hannah is learning things so fast that it's been harder than usual to stay a step ahead of her. For example, today she refuses to take a nap. What's with that?
3. I finally moved the computer out of the kitchen and upstairs to our bedroom. This insures that I will not check it 137 times a day. It was getting a little ridiculous.
4. Nick has been home working because we had ANOTHER snow storm and therefore was hogging the computer. On another slightly related note, they say summer is coming...we'll see.
5. I can't think of another right now, but I'm sure there are some. New posts will be coming soon.

New Format

I got tired of the narrow column from the old format. It took way too much fighting to get pics to display correctly. However, now I no longer have my nifty header. Anybody want to design a template for me? Yeah. Me neither. Maybe I'll get inspired later.

Redemption

A few months ago, Nick and I got tired of the $300 pet deposit keeping us from having a pet to enjoy, and we did what every young family with too little extra money does - we got a fish tank.

Said fish tank has not been the most successful endeavor to this point. The first three fish we got were dead within the week. We then left the fish tank empty for several weeks. I don't think either of us could stomach the thought of fishing (sorry!) anything else out of the tank. Then, we decided to go look at fish one night. We came home with a couple, and about a week later added one more. They have been thriving for oh...maybe three or four weeks.

Last night though, the little white one we had (a mollie, if you know about such things) was obviously not doing so hot. As the evening progressed, it eventually got stuck in the filter but continued to breathe and swim as best it could. We would turn the filter off and let it out but it would end up there again. I gotta say...it's just a little fish, but it was heartbreaking. Nick finally got it out of there and flushed it. Watching it suffer was too hard.

I was thinking about it this morning. God gave us dominion over the earth and the animals. We're caretakers. I believe that includes the authority to keep animals for our enjoyment. But if we, the caretakers, can hardly stomach the sight of one tiny fish suffering, how does God handle it? They're His creation after all. Maybe that's what it means in Romans when it talks about the earth groaning, waiting for redemption. Death is a result of the curse and Jesus conquered death.

It's just been a while since the curse and the results of Jesus' resurrection made that much sense to me.

Depression and Antidepressants

Here's an article I will be spending some time looking at today. Just in skimming it, I was surprised both by Dr. Mercola's comments (he sees that there are some people who honestly need SOMETHING, even if he doesn't like the drugs), and also by the comments people added following the article (there were things mentioned like exercise and omega oils as things that work for them.)

There is such a stigma attached to depression, I think especially in the Christian world. It seems like if we could just pray hard enough or trust God enough or...something...depression would go away. And yet I know people (and have some experience myself) with thoughts and feelings that don't seem to get better no matter What they do. Why is that? I think this is sometimes especially true for stay at home moms, too. There's not a whole lot to occupy your thoughts when you do laundry and diapers for a living.

Exercise is one key. I never have been able to figure out why some people can exercise every day for their entire lives and other people can barely force themselves to do it occasionally. I happen to fall more in the latter category on this one, I must admit. Why I can work so hard with what I eat and cannot summon up the motivation to exercise, I have no idea. Brilliant ideas, anyone? I'm open to suggestions.

Anyway, another key is training your thoughts, I'm sure. We're not supposed to be anxious about anything, but by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present our requests to God and the peace of God will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, right? (Phil 4:4-6ish) This is something I've been working on lately. It's easy to get in the habit of doing things in your (my) own power. I seem to learn daily how limited that really is. Maybe having kids does that to ya...

I'd love to hear any thoughts on the matter. This is one of those very private issues that needs to be not-so-private so that we can support each other and be stronger for it!

Andrew Bird

OK, so here's my latest music fascination. I found this guy when he did a Jack's Big Music Show episode. He played on David Letterman the other night. Look him up on Rhapsody or Napster, or Myspace. He reminds me of David Gray and Phish. New hippie music is always good. :)

Hannah is two!

Hannah 2, originally uploaded by sakalomi.

I can't believe it. She had a very fun day, and got lots of cool stuff, including a sand box from Gramma and Grampa. I have a two year old. Does that make me a real, live mom/adult now? When did that happen?

Easter Pics

Hannah on Easter, originally uploaded by sakalomi.

Couldn't resist sharing some cute pics. Enjoy!

My Dad's parents came to visit us over the weekend. Somehow we have no pictures of Hannah with either of them, but there are good ones with Audrey. :)

I never did understand why my mom hated Easter grass. I now get it.

Isn't she cute?

Things that make me smile

-Helping Hannah blow out her birthday candles last night.
-Laying in bed with Audrey next to me, and having her very earnestly communicate whatever "Ba Ba Ba Da Da Da" means.
-Laying Hannah down for a nap and telling her it's naptime, and her responding "Hmm??"
-Watching Hannah push her new doll stroller around for hours
-Walking into the girls room after naps and finding Audrey pulled up to her knees at the side of her crib ("You're too little to do that yet!")

These things are priceless, I'm tellin' ya.

Thoughts from Easter

I have been trying all week to write something intelligent and meaningful about Easter. All I can come up with is the type of blog that I, personally, would skim over because it said nothing I haven't already heard a million times. Maybe short thoughts will work better.

Actual Spiritual Thoughts:
1. My Easter always revolves around The Thorn production at New Life, and family get-togethers.
2. I used to be IN The Thorn every year. That was B.C. (Before Children)
3. Seeing the passion over and over again always seemed to help it sink in.
4. I miss having that time to think about it. My friend Kim who is Catholic blogged about the three hours of silence they observe on Good Friday. Why don't we all do that?
5. There was NO OTHER WAY for us to be reconciled to God, except for Christ to endure what He did. He didn't want to do it, but He knew he had to, so He did. I'm so grateful.

Related Rather Un-Spiritual Thoughts:
1. Most old people become really funny. Can we grow older without becoming stubborn and unhappy? I hope so.
2. Hannah on Peeps is not very fun.
3. My siblings and parents are great. We had one of the best get-togethers I can remember.
4. When will Colorado quit pretending it is winter in April?
5. My mom made an awesome gluten-free meal. Wow, was that nice.
6. My mom and sisters and I are starting a business. It's gonna be cool. Details to follow.

Hope you had a great Easter

"Diet"

People give me a hard time all the time about how easily I lose weight. When somebody says to me, "I hate you! You just had a baby and look how skinny you are!" I am torn. Part of me wants to say, "I work so hard for this, though! How dare you be jealous of me!" Another part of me feels so much compassion that I want to cry.

Weight is such a huge issue. Yes, I have always been a skinny person. Some of it is genes, but if you saw certain extended family members, you would understand that is not all of it. I think most of what causes families to be skinny together, are the eating habits they pass on to each other.

Two things this takes: time, and money. It's not quick to eat right, but the time involved requires balance in life - something we need anyway. When it takes me an hour to make dinner, I have time to interact with my family in the kitchen and think about stuff and keep my countertops and refrigerator clean. When we mindfully choose to spend a big portion of our income on healthy food, it keeps our attention there. I feel like making sacrifices in these two areas sorts out other life issues before they even become issues.

The last thing being "I hate you" skinny takes, is knowledge. The fact is, the old "don't eat fat, live on carbs" approach doesn't work. Neither does just not eating. I will guarantee you, if you are eating well and still not losing weight, you are probably allergic to something you eat regularly. There are lots of different opinions about losing weight, but you can always tell which ones work and which don't. The ones that make people miserable and unable to stick with it long term don't work - even if people lose weight on them. If you can't stick with it, it doesn't work. Right?

I read this article today, and although I don't agree with all of it, the general idea is right on. I personally eat more protein even than this diet, with hardly ever going more than four hours without protein and carbs. Eat often - your metabolism needs it.

Also, cheating occasionally is totally FINE. If you NEED chocolate, go to the store and buy a bar of really good chocolate, for when you have to have it. If you spend money on it, you won't eat it nonstop, and it will be more satisfying anyway. I eat a ton of stuff I don't usually when we go to holiday meals and stuff. I'm sick for a couple days afterward, but it's usually worth it. Just don't eat like that every day. The weight will melt off.

Lastly, food is a major personal thing. I long ago lost any sense of privacy about what I eat and how much because the only way to control my seizures was to tell people about everything I ate. So, another piece of advice I have is make yourself accountable. This is the best part of seeing a nutritionist. You are required to keep a journal of everything you eat. No more snacks you're ashamed of.

Now, go get yourself some raw nuts and a piece of fruit.

Sunblock, Vitamin D and Cancer

We're told all the time to slather our kids and ourselves in sunblock to avoid certain death from skin cancer. I have not done a ton of research on this, so take it with a grain of salt, but this article and the video it links to are very interesting contradictory information. Think about it - a hundred years ago they had no sunblock. They lived in the sun, working farms, etc. They didn't die from cancers - they died from farm accidents or illnesses like fevers. What's the deal with that?

Now, obviously there is some risk of TOO much sun. We don't want heatstroke and we don't want peeling and blistering sunburns. That would just be stupid. On the other hand, I personally don't want to wear makeup that has sunblock every day or cover my kids in it every time they step outside. We have to have some exposed skin that receives sunshine on it so that our bodies can produce vitamin D. Seriously, it's hard enough to get enough sun here in Colorado because of the cold...

Really need to get off the computer...

Random
Do you have any pets?	3 fish
What color shirt are you wearing?	black
Name three things that are physically close to you:	baby rattle, dish rag, phone
What is the last book you read?	Fight Like a Girl by Lisa Bevere - it's a good one
Are you or were you a good student?	yes
What's your favorite sport?	yuck
Do you enjoy sleeping late?	very much
What's the weather like right now?	windy and sunny
Who tells the best jokes?	David Letterman, occasionally
What was the last thing you dreamed about?	never remember
Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?	Yes, and yes.
Do you believe in karma?	No
Do you believe in luck?	No
Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?	over medium
Do you collect anything? If so, what?	books
Are you proud of yourself?	yes, usually. i do a pretty good job.
Are you reliable?	i was before i had kids!
Have you ever given money to a bum?	yes
What's your favorite food?	avocado is a current favorite. i also LOVE peaches.
Have you ever had a secret admirer?	many
Do you like the smell of gasoline?	no
Do like to draw?	i'm terrible
What's your favorite invention?	the internet
Is your room messy?	it's not bad
What do you like better: oranges or apples?	apples. oranges make my mouth hurt
Do you give in easily?	never
Are you a good guesser?	not really
Can you read other people's expressions?	yes, to a fault
Are you a bully?	i could be if i wasn't so afraid of being one
Do you have a job?	yes, taking care of my kids. and teaching piano
What time did you wake up this morning?	uh...which time? 3am, 7am, or 9am?
What did you eat for breakfast this morning?	toast with almond butter
When was the last time you showered?	a couple hours ago
What do you plan on doing tomorrow?	teaching piano lessons
What's your favorite day of the week and why?	probably Sunday. I love my church
Do you have any nicknames?	Sara Kay
Have you ever been scuba diving?	no. snorkeling though.
What's your least favorite color?	not a big fan of blue
Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who?	have a couple of friends going through tough stuff that i pray for a lot
Would you ever go skydiving?	probably not now that i have kids
What toothpaste do you use?	don't ask
Do you enjoy challenges?	yes
What's the worst injury you have had?	probably something following a seizure
What's the last movie you saw?	A Night with the King.
What do you want to know about the future?	in reality? nothing. if i knew i would try to control it.
What does your last text message say?	I sent you an email. I'm at work so I can't talk. Sorry.
Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to?	Somebody at US airways
What's your favorite school subject?	English
What's your least favorite school subject?	Math
Would you rather have money or love?	love...but money is nice if i can have it too
What is your dream vacation?	a private beach
What is your favorite animal?	cat
Do you miss anyone right now?	Nick
What's the last sporting event you watched?	we watched a little baseball last night
Do you need to do laundry?	most definitely
Do you listen to the radio?	not too much since i got an mp3 player
Where were you when 9/11 happened?	sleeping
What do you do when vending machines steal your money?	grumble. then find somebody to give it back to me.
Have you ever caught a butterfly?	yes
What color are your bed sheets?	kinda purplish-brownish
What's your ringtone?	i don't have any cool ones
Who was the last person to make you laugh?	Hannah
Do you have any obsessions right now?	my kids and husband would probably qualify
Do you like things that glow in the dark?	uh...ok?
What's your favorite fruity scent?	gross.
Do you watch cartoons?	Finding Nemo. Every day.
Have you ever sat on a roof?	yes, but it's been a while
Have you ever been to a different country?	Germany and Switzerland
Name three things in the world you dislike:	people who tailgate, bad smells, cold
Name three people in the world you dislike:	no thanks
Has a rumor even been spread about you?	probably
Do you like sushi?	don't consider myself very knowledgable about it, but what i've had isn't bad
Do you believe in magic?	well...the spirit world anyway.
Do you hold grudges?	no. that's too hard.
Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at PimpSurveys.com

FUN!

No kidding, this was my conversation with almost two-year-old Hannah yesterday.

Hannah: (Running up to me) FUN!
Me: Are you having fun?
Hannah: Uh-huh! (Runs away)

I laughed.

Ponderings

I have always wanted to be a worship leader. For as long as I can remember, I have played piano and sung at the top of my lungs. When I was a child, I distinctly remember imagining audiences of thousands sitting around my living room so I could perform for them.

I was one of the star performers in the yearly children's musicals we did for our church of 300. My Gramma was in a singing group that had me sing the solo for their Christmas show one year. As a teenager I was involved in "Summer Funner Theater" here. It was basically a VBS with a show at the end, but every one required a lead...guess who did that? I also played keyboards and sang with the youth worship band every Sunday. Straight out of high school I had my job with the worship ministry and began singing on mics and playing keys on occasion. One weekend all the usual soloists were out, and I ended up with the special music. I sang Carolyn Arends'"Seize the Day" and had people come up to me talking about it for literally 6 months. When I went to Bible school I played with the worship band that toured. When I was at ORU I got more in scholarship money than any other pianist I knew, with the exception of the two prodigies who probably will go on to be concert performers. I'm a very good accompanist. At my church in Tulsa I played very frequently with the worship band, most weekends. I was going to play keys on their worship recording.

(I feel like Paul must have, recording all his qualifications and then saying, "Whatever was to my credit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ..." Bear with me here, folks.)

Then, it all stopped. In January, after two years at ORU, I just didn't have the money anymore. Nick and I were engaged and going to be married that summer. He still had a semester of school left. I was over two years from graduating. With a heavy heart, I called and quit everything I was committed to, and moved home. That was 2004. I think I've played for worship twice since then, and had a brief stint as the New Life choir accompanist. I also played for the youth choir for a year. But the thing that is my heart is worship ministry, and that has seemed to be on hold.

I've written about this some already over the past several weeks, because it has been on my mind a lot. I have children now, and I feel very strongly about staying home with them and being there to raise them. Nobody else can do my job. Why would God call somebody to worship ministry, and I was positive He had, and then bless them with children so they are unable to fulfill the first calling? I have always seen the two callings as separate.

A couple weeks ago I was finishing up the Bible Study I've been working through, and it was encouraging me to write a personal mission statement. I have always struggled with this, because my two missions were, in my mind, so mutually exclusive. How can children and worship ministry work together? Lack of distraction is so deeply ingrained in the way worship ministry should be done, and children are, by nature, distracting. I stopped reading and said to God, "How can I do that? I've tried." What I heard was, "Why are they separate?"


Seems simple maybe, but it has been a revelation to me. If my "calling" in this world is to encourage and exhort others to worship God, then that starts with my own children. Who in the world can I influence more in that area than my own children? This filters down into every area of life - encouraging them to live righteous lives so they have clear consciences, teaching them social skills so they can live in healthy relationships, even feeding them good food so their bodies are strong can fall under helping them to worship more effectively. I may not be able to get on stage with a band right now, but I can certainly create an atmosphere of worship in my home.

I think this is a message that most stay-at-home moms probably need. It's easy to lose your identity in staying at home. But, for most people there is something in the world that makes you passionate and energized. Maybe it is your kids, but most people I think need something more than that if they're honest with themselves. Most of us who stay home have skills and passions we lay aside in favor of raising our children ourselves, but that doesn't mean those cease to be part of who we are, it just means we don't get the recognition we used to. Maybe people don't know me everywhere I go anymore, but maybe I'm raising the next Darlene Zscech. Or maybe my time is yet to come again, and I will face it with a greater maturity, humility and understanding than I ever could have before my kids. Either way, nothing is on hold around here anymore.

Entertainment for a Thursday afternoon

This post is one of the funniest blogs I've read in a quite a while. I don't have this issue yet with my own kids, but I clearly remember having these arguments with siblings. The other one Holly came up with that wasn't mentioned was, "Mom! She's looking out my window!" Remember that, Holly?

Hannah at the library

library, originally uploaded by sakalomi.

I think I've written before about my memories of the library. Somehow my incredible mother managed to take 5 kids to the library at least once a month. I vividly remember her telling us we could each get 10 books. I don't have a clue how she got 5 kids under 11 and 50+ books OUT of the library, but she did. I have loved books ever since. I read at 4 and was known to devour entire books in one sitting in late elementary school. I read several hours a day sometimes.

It was with those memories putting a smile on my face, that I took Hannah and Audrey to the library today. We had a great time. Hannah and I picked out three books to read. She carried them herself all the way from the children's section to the check out line. Then, when she saw we had to wait in line, she plopped down on the floor in the middle of everything, and began to look at her books. I still can't wipe the smile off my face.

I like lentil soup...lentil soup?

All evening I've been singing a song that Ernie and Bert sing.

Bert: I like lentil soup
Ernie: Lentil soup?
Bert: Yes, I do...
Ernie: I don't really like any of those things...but I...like...you!

I made lentil soup for dinner tonight. It was yummy, and Hannah even ate it. I was prepared to make her something different! Lentils are pretty cool little things. 28% of your daily fiber and 11g of protein in one serving.

I've been seeing them everywhere lately. Have you ever noticed that there are food fads? Like, sun-dried tomatoes and asiago cheese...that is SO three years ago! Anyway, I decided to try it. This recipe is really good.

The changes I made are:
Only one large onion - we're not huge onion people
One 14oz can of tomatoes - we're not huge tomato people either, and I didn't have a big can. :)
A splash of apple cider vinegar instead of the wine - I still don't have a clue how to buy wine, although I'm not opposed to cooking with it.
One cup of COOKED brown rice - add right before serving. Whole grains will make it a complete protein also. The recipe suggests adding cheese which would do the same thing and be pretty tasty, but it sure would make us all sick!

Try it - you'll like it!

When I grow up

I want to write like this.

Oh Boy...

Swiped this from SaraW. Couldn't resist.

Ghostbusters Theme Song: In List Format

* Things I ain't afraid of:
o no ghost
* Strange things in the neighborhood (partial list):
o seeing things running through head
o invisible man sleeping in bed
* Things that make me feel good:
o bustin'
* Who you gonna call:
o Ghostbusters
o I can't hear you
o Louder